can you please leave feed on my track I posted? One Life To Live?

I'd like your critique because you seem to be one of the better music critics, and I'd appreciate a breakdown.

if you could links in my sig

word

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The Music

awww isnt this sweet,he stood up for u n said u werent balding n now u're dedicating threads to him lol
damn adam,u can add another e-dude to the "ppl who like you"

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us waiver, waiver, us entry waiver, criminal record travel, denied entry us

shit I should have asked you too.

You seem to have a lot to say about a lot of shit.

If you actually gave me honest feedback I'd appreciate yours as well.

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The Music

well i do give honest feedback,a lotta folks just cant handle it..................

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us waiver, waiver, us entry waiver, criminal record travel, denied entry us

If you could honestly go in that and check out the song and listen to it and give me feed back it'd be nice. Just to hear what could be fixed and all that good shit, i'm really trying to elevate in my music, and it'd be nice to hear what could be fixed, so if you want to give a listen and break it down for me, the goods/bads, it'd be nice.

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The Music

i'll give feed right here...
positive=u got a decent flow
negative=that beat is so blah,n u start off the whole thing with such lack of energy it doesnt grab ur attention.....u need to start it off more powerful

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us waiver, waiver, us entry waiver, criminal record travel, denied entry us

yeah I felt that too, I felt as if I didn't put more energy into it until the hook.

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The Music

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=5625715

what about this one LK?

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The Music

i'll go leave some feed on your songs. have no fear.

I love your feed to plicit, you really fucking break shit down. You def. helped me elevate with your feed.

werd

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The Music

hahaha fuck what adam thinks that makes me laugh, he's more af a retard then the masses opinion of music, trust me dude I peeped it. Keep doing your thing, its sounding fine, your writing is better then most here and I can tell you just starting if you asking for adams advice.......so stay up keep writing and spitting, all you need right now is confidence, on the mic and in your presence, and you get that through practise...............peace

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When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam


Myspace

It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal...
But it's treason when you turn your back on your people.

Alright..

I'd change your intro speech, that's a pretty common one with topics like this. You've got to try and be a little more original right off the hop or else you're going to lose the listeners attention. You don't have to make a drastic change, just try and do something different. I mean if you dig it, that's cool, but I'd suggest fixing the first line at least: "You only got one life to live, how you gonna take this time to live?" It just doesn't sound right.

^ I know that sounds picky, but trust me, the first 12 seconds of a song are used to grab a listeners attention, not feed their ears something they've already heard before.

It's a very laid back and enjoyable beat, I dig it. The way you spit the first verse works good and has a nice flow. It's not the type of track where you would want to come in hype and I think the laid back style you started spitting with works just fine.

The chorus is alright, it's sort of basic and the idea has been done before many times, but it works with the song.

The big problem I have with the track is the dubbing. It's off and noticeable, you have to clean that up for sure.

Other than that, it's good quality, you can make out everything that you're saying and it sounds like it's shaping up to be a pretty decent track.

You make some pretty wild assumptions about what I know when it comes to music.

aight ima only say this once little britches, your reactions entertain me for real so trhats why I talk shit and fuck with you everywhere.........and I actually have respect for what you 'know about music', I do my research big guy......just dont have a whole lot of respect for you as a person, lol......but I still think your a fag and folk music sucks

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When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam


Myspace

It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal...
But it's treason when you turn your back on your people.