ya'll I just want some real feedback..if it sucks holla at me and let me know..i'll appreciate anything...one


Beauty
The oyster and pearl
Perfectly shaped, wonderfully made
Closed to the world, holding a treasure
Designed with precision
Radiant life abounding from all sides
That which is rooted within
Displayed externally
Socially, emotionally, spiritually, physically
Corrupted by the physical
Twisted by sight
Lacking acknowledgment of the pearl
Becomes unlikely to fully blossom
The treasure remains hidden
Concealed by the seen
Death takes the external
A hidden treasure finally found
Forever existent
Only now discovered
The oyster superficially seen
The pearl casually overlooked
A waste of Beauty

up

Freshly killed meat... which is to say this was raw. In so many words.

I wouldn't say this sucks, not at all. I would however say this is conventional, and that is to say it didn't have that... ringing noise... that comes with well executed poetry. But to be honest, most poems don't have that ringing noise I hear with good poetry. Still, it had some good points in it, especially the ending of the waste of beauty part. Not exactly surprising, but noticebly well written nonetheless.

Personally I couldn't relate, I can't find beauty in a pearl. I find beauty in pixels.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Nicely done...

...simple...yet put the points through in a kind of damning way...you know, exploring SOME of the issues of the 'subject' in hand with good imagery and a certain amount of rawness and power...

....nice...respect...

thanks for the love ya'll....i'm feeln the criticism..uppn for u all