written for an audio..tell me what you think...


it took a long time for my life to unwind
now im tryin to find a lost friend of mine
he got left behind on this road i travel
we used to capitivate every scene of a battle
now hes lost at sea screamin for a paddle
i only wish to redeem what seemed to be fragile
i mean what good is a king without a queen to his castle
my life seen through a capsule that of an hour glass
as the hours pass by i ask a simple question
one word thats why,are you teachin me this lesson
its like im movin forward,yet in a state of regression
cant even blaze this mic that i need to be blessin'
in a daze left or right,i fiend for some direction
came upon my own reflection yet its unknown to me
his breath i own and breathe,through his sight i even see
the blood of his is mine,seen flowin' within me
our relationship at times gets tipsy offa jimmy
writin' visions with a pen of a life i used to lead
traveled at high speeds when any mic i could rip
taken lives as i give words of poetic justice
ive had enough of this yet i grip the past vaguely
realizing its quite pathetic,im just another shade tree

whats wrong w/this forum...why do pieces get slept on?

wow this is really really ridiculous.......

^^^ people are busy with other things you know... this piece isnt exactly like the center of the universe... be patient and up it everytime it fades off the front page until you get what you feel is enough comments... now onto your rhyme...


that line was cool... could have worded it better though... sorta like
i'm progressin in regression
but whatever you feel like sounds better... this was alright... even though i didnt get the shade tree thing at the end... where did that come from? i give this a 6/10 the only things bad was the ending (the tree thing and the flow just fell off)... keep rhymin


^^^ enough to satisfy you??

no not really...shade tree is an inside thing to describe a shady person.....and who are you to give a rating on a piece? this was made for an audio....not text get me? anyways whatever.....

oh yea...and think i know a lil bout uppin pieces..but fools on this site seem to not notice a piece...whatever ill post more shit written for text....

~2~!

good piece read well and flowed but like that other cat said above the flow and ending were a bit off
apart from that it was good
keep doin it
and ur not the only person that gets slept on just kep uppin it whenever ur on

the flowed but the flow fell off? wtf?.....damn when i spit this the other day....the ending has the best flow! haha.....uppin^^^

flow was a bit choppy but you have good content and the structure could use some work

Actually I thought the piece flowed greatly. I enjoyed it and am surprised this is getting slept on, it shouldn't be. You're one of the "newbies" to look out for. Just be patient with the replies because people tend to not reply to people's verses till after you set yourself a reputation. I have a feeling you'll get a good rep soon so just keep at it and keep elevatin. Good job

pz

actson is a gramatically challenged ingrate.....

thanx for the reply domain...