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First post, need crit on flow
IP:
I used to post on this board for like a week, way back in the day under the sn Prophecyss. Now it's Und3fyned online, Undefyned off, and I just want to hear your thoughts on this flow that I've brought, so here goes:
The sunny day painted on my eyes can only subside my anger for so long without a light source to light it/ So it's in the darkness I'm hiding/ Approaching passerbyers for help and watch them scatter frightened/ Trying to figure out if my life is sedimentary, or if my body outlived my soul in the cemetary/ and it all seems so scary/ but caring can only take you as far as the dreams at which you're staring/ Carefully impairing not only judgement but substance/ what is this? a group of misfits, misled, or misguided/ I must've missed the missing link from the viewpoint from which I was hiding/ So I'll search for my guiding light as long as I still have a desire to find it/ I cry for the kids, that're reading my shit, filled with hopelessness, so I stand up from peering out my smoke filled lens/ To tell them to hold on to their friends/ and in the same second I see the same friends turn against/ perplexed at what this represents/ I dim my guiding light to low incandescence/ and struggle to search back through my teachings and lessons/ but innaccuracies are mastering me, the same thoughts an actor sees when thinking about Brandon Lee, freak accidents and why shit is happening/ yep, that's all I've got so far as this is still a work in progress, but please let me know what you think. |
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