Harsh words an violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped an twisted
So many tricks an so many lies
Too many whens an too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped an twisted
Sleeping awake an choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped an twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

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You're starting off good at a young age-- I give you props for that I would say you have a good mind for it--but you still need to expand your vocabulary--You can rhyme i see that in this written--I think you need to think deeper with them though alot of your stuff is typical rhyme scheme--keep doing what your doing though you'll know when your there------

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Okay, now this was riveting...

...some might say you stuck too rigidly to the rhyme scence..but then they forget that some of the great poems are done like that (or so i'm told)...and even though you did maybe slightly do that...it didn't matter...actually, with it's almost simplistic yet effortless flow, it made it just, well, riveting...

...i like how you put emphasis on the warped and twisted thing (especially the twisted thing)...by repeating it, but more subtley...

also strong use of vocab, not too complex, not too simple, it was a nice mixture...

...very nice piece...respect...

was a very powerful peice that held its own..if you were to cut out every other bar of this peice it wouldnt maske sense but it would be still as strong and amazing made me think you have a great way with words and placing emphasis

just like what they said...strong piece..but a little weak on vocabs but that still made the poem stay up...i was feelin it...nice flow..but i know you couldve made it better...all in all nice piece...keeponit

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