I find myself locking the doors to my soul/
Because I don't want the chores of being unconditionally whole/
Mandating the lines of self to one who's are blurred//
I feel I'm screaming for help, from a mouth that can't be heard//
Because I am still too immature to fully commit/
The very thought conjures a demand for me to submit/
Basically everything I've ever wanted and in some areas more//
With that you've shaken me, leaving the parts tauned an open door//

Short simple, and I hope it was to the point... wow this looked a lot longer on paper, sorry

felt it felt it, i know wassup with the commitment issue, good ryhme i liked the way u played ur age into it
Because I am still too immature to fully commit/
The very thought conjures a demand for me to submit/

good one, im uppin this for you

thanks for tha reply and for uppin this...

hmm i think i was expecting alot more out of you since you seemed to have comments on my writtens-- Decently done a couple of the lines kept it strong---Alright keep it up

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Strong piece, to the point and just, well, 'there'...liked it...was what it was...

...resp....

it was a short peice, I know, definatly not one of my best but then again so much has been going on lately that by the time I have the feelings I need to write I don't have the time to put them on paper, much less get to my slow ass computer but anyways thanks for tha feedback, my overall impression of this peice is blah

i was feelin ya whole piece so keep it up and let me know how my piece is

Yeah it was short but sweet, got to the point, straighter than most out here, just gotta take your ideas and elaborate on em make it longer, its aiight, plus, you quite fine too haha.....

Peace Out Yo!!!!

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straight to the point...i liked this one...i dont htink it was too short...you got your shit across nicely...one

not one of your best but still a good one. It was short and to the point. It had Vocab and a flow to it. Nice work OoNnEe

hmm....yeah a little bit short but u made the structure and content straight to where u want the readers to understand...nice flow..aiight piece..keep up

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