Iight...Kinda a "newb" at freestylin but i'll let u decide on wut ya think...My 3rd verse ever...

If I died tomorrow, i'd be countin my blessings//
From the clothes I had on my back ta tha taste of "Ranch Dressing"//
My mom'd be obsessing since I wuz neva able ta pop that question//
But through all this shit, maybe i'd still be able to retreave tha lesson//
Deep in protestin, I didn't see I was bein a pest-n…//
….now afta it's too late, I realize ma mistake..//
It was like I was bein "kicked to tha side…//"
like havin someone cry in ya hear, "CHECKMATE"//
See, you on realize life's a virtue until it gets put in a "clutch…"//
… n "goes down" for tha "TWISTED FATE"//
Thas what's been happenin ta me…//
but only this time I won't be havin "Gods' good grace"//
Now, I'm takin a moment ta say my last goodbyes, "icein tha cake"//
End my life inna good way, sparrin my lil brotha of all his pain//
cas if I let him follow in my footsteps, i'd go insane//
Even when I heard this "news," I felt like I wuz havin a famine-to-tha-brain//
So, that's why i'm gonna make the best of my last hours, i've yet ta obtain//
Huggin everyone that helped me…//
…goin "down" the list as if i'm on some kinda crane//
It's a shame I thought life wuz juss bout tha power n the fame//
Takin tha world head on by yoself iz pretty lame…//
Believe that...n learn from my "mistake"...//
cas if I was livin longer, i'd probably still be doin tha same//
N look what's happen to me now...I may die tamorrow…//
n I sure as hell aint got no-other person, but-me ta blame//

Feedback plz...

this drop was Tight dawg , , , really tight ,,,,, u stayed on topic ,, i liked tha concept ,, , , return da favour http://63.219.149.14/forum/showthre...&threadid=43392

Fa sho...n thanks for tha feed..More plz...

Tite man stayed consistent all the way through
Peep "MY 8 Bars of Heart" if you have time.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=42766

nuthin but heart......nice

your imagery and wordplay was strong. it flowed great. i know exactly how ya feel, i wrote something similar to urs (which i think u posted on)

keep them beats flowin...

Thanks peeps...n yea, solja, i'll check urs...

Uppin..Keep replyin peeps.

shit was hott...had great flow, keep spittin

fo ur 3rd verse eva that was some tight shti dogg, na'mean that was pretty i'll, fuck u now u got me hungry mmmmm ranch dressing

yo hit my new shit up called "Remaning Unrecognized"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...8513#post398513

Thanks peeps..

Lookin fa more..

yo this was pretty tight dawg, morbid too, thats my whole steez but for yo check out BRAIN CANDY...droppin soon...peace

yo kid this was pretty ill..sounds like you're on your way.
Keep doin the do, you know.