ok... first drop here... but ive gotten state awards for this shit


Like and extension of my being you grew out of my heart
A little angel...a miracle im not worthy to take part
The kind of thing that makes the whole just dissapte
Because you worth there... nine months was worth the wait
My heart melted looking into your little eyes
So innocent... no realize i was going to make you die

You raised me to be a grown man, a perfect gentleman
Never letting me watch anything more violent then Gentle Ben
Thinking about me before you even came into your mind
Keeping me in line but always remaining kind
Like Mother Teresea, you were too perfect for this Earth
Just one more...what could it do... put your life in the dirt

A burden to your being that what you said i am
But you never let me down always making me a man
Showing me the way too live...the way to die
Saying women werent property... in females you must take pride
The good times too... playing football, showing me how to shave
Doing the opposite of what you said put you in your grave

My heart is crying out for you blaming myself
One more shot, wait no two, i put myself on the shelf
Why couldn't you take me? You didnt deserve it
That im an alchaholic and couldn't take that last hit
So I jumped in my truck, oblvious to the world
Driving down the interstate vomiting like it was the Tilt-A-Whirl

As I was leaning back over I swerved and isn't it my luck
It was a complete stranger, it was my family i killed with that truck

uppin for feedback

Nice. Good rhymin, enjoyed readin' it. Keep it up

damn. realli feelin that. it flowed easy and good vocab. nice choice of wordz. tight ending too. feelin that.

Wow, that was a good piece. Only a few writers on here wrote about something so well that I really feel it even though I haven't been in that situation, and you're now one of them. The whole thing was good.

"A burden to your being that what you said i am
But you never let me down always making me a man
Showing me the way too live...the way to die
Saying women werent property... in females you must take pride
The good times too... playing football, showing me how to shave
Doing the opposite of what you said put you in your grave"

That one right there stood out to me the most. You used good words in it to get your point across. You put a lot of feeling into it to. I really felt it.

"My heart is crying out for you blaming myself
One more shot, wait no two, i put myself on the shelf
Why couldn't you take me? You didnt deserve it
That im an alchaholic and couldn't take that last hit
So I jumped in my truck, oblvious to the world
Driving down the interstate vomiting like it was the Tilt-A-Whirl

As I was leaning back over I swerved and isn't it my luck
It was a complete stranger, it was my family i killed with that truck"

When I read those parts I started feeling bad like that happened to me. You wrote this good. I can see why you won some state awards for this. It was definately deep and written well. Keep posting more like this.

thanks guys, uppin for feedback