No self confidence talk can bring me release
from the yearing and hurting to join the deceased
Can't lie and pretend thing work themselves out
filled with doubt as I scream out and I shout
to anyone who'll listen tears glisten
as they fall down my face like a waterfall
thought I had everything, have nothing at all
build walls to shelter myself from the reckoning
beckoning, my future as it draws near dissecting
my personality traits faults and failures revealed
wound never heal as dark secrets concealed
yet out in the open, whole world is broken
act like a giant, know I'm internally soft spoken
hopin, yet tokin away all my aspirations
motivation and perfection leave lacerations
expectations and damnation next condesation
sweat breeds and feeds upon itself on my brow
stuck in the past, can't live in the now
somehow, struggle to continue breathing
and feeling, while inside my heart pumping yet bleeding
kneeling praying to an omnipotent being..may not exist
clenched fists from the parallel slit of the wrist
and wish for salvation, some sign to keep going
no slowing from potholes, meanwhile devoting
my life to an art in I am unsure at closing
that the tribulations, like the guy in Deliverance
won't have me squealing for mercy and at the same time moaning
make the pain stop why was I bestowed a cruel fate
elongate the desolation, welling up with self hate
debate, whether to keep striving, denying, lying
mask I wear cause I'm scared, don't want to come out of hiding
I feel so alive......yet I feel like dying