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Old 05-17-03, 11:06 PM   #1
Tourniquet
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Goodbye World – Forever More

IP: A8F3 8225

Goodbye World – Forever More

Stone walled
Ashen faced
Grave heart
Fallen faith
Mixed emotions-
Devastation
Revenge consumed-
Abhoration
Merciless heart
Evil heathen
Once vibrant
Thus befallen
Loves pariah
Forgotten promises
Broken dreams-
All putrefied
Exhausted will
Self-suicide
Baby boom-
Reproduction
Lonely world-
Segregation
Faint of heart
Bitter weep
Final step
Forever sleep
Welcome death-
Suffocation
Last stop
Eternal damnation
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Old 05-17-03, 11:43 PM   #2
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This one had some really short lines. It was still very descriptive like the other one I read from you. Although I didn't really pick up on whats going on in it. All I got from it was a lot of pain. Looks like things went from bad to worse to death. I probably missed the meaning of it like I do a lot of poems, but what I did pick up I liked.

"Lonely world-
Segregation
Faint of heart
Bitter weep
Final step
Forever sleep
Welcome death-
Suffocation
Last stop
Eternal damnation"

That was the part that I liked the most out of it all. Good post from you.
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Old 05-18-03, 06:35 AM   #3
Tourniquet
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Thanks again lol
Yeah, im still experimenting with this style of writing... both of the pieces ive posted arent like my usual work, and ive never posted on a site before.. thats why i am now, to get some non biased opinions of the styles ive been attempting lately...
and you were spot on with the interpretation..
link me to some of yours ok?
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Old 05-18-03, 11:00 AM   #4
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this was real good. linez were really short, but it still was deep. tha kinda poetry that makes u think. interestin style, not ur average poem. i liked it, great piece.
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Old 05-18-03, 01:41 PM   #5
DaGyrlRemarqabL
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Ooh. Interesting. Propz to you for experimenting and goin out on a limb with this style. I was feelin it. Sometimes you dont need a lot of words to say what needs to be said. I liked it. Especially the ending. Nice writin. Stay up with this n keep droppin. Pz.
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