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Old 05-23-03, 07:24 PM   #1
Fo' Real
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.:.Laura.:.

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Its been 6 months 2 weeks ive been in love
Opening the doors of the cage of the white doves
Everyone has it in them its just locked away
I never gave up, searched for days and days
When it came to me it was unexpected
Before my heart was hollow and black
Now ive found my goal and my heart is red
It bled and bled from feelings unsaid
I threw myself around care-free
Not knowing what i was soon to be
Love at first sight i never thought could happen
But my doubts were blissed with the poisened pen
It took only seconds till i was sure
before i was insecure things were so obscure
I would die so she wouldnt feel an ounce of pain
This is a whole new game, now i have an infinite flame
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Old 05-24-03, 03:31 PM   #2
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Nice. I liked it. This one read like it came straight from your heart.

"Its been 6 months 2 weeks ive been in love
Opening the doors of the cage of the white doves
Everyone has it in them its just locked away
I never gave up, searched for days and days"

I don't know why but I liked those lines. The doves part was cool. The 3rd line was good too.

"Before my heart was hollow and black
Now ive found my goal and my heart is red
It bled and bled from feelings unsaid
I threw myself around care-free
Not knowing what i was soon to be"

I like that part cause I've felt like that before. Hollow and black. It's good that you found someone to fill that emptiness.

"It took only seconds till i was sure
before i was insecure things were so obscure
I would die so she wouldnt feel an ounce of pain
This is a whole new game, now i have an infinite flame"

I liked that part too. The rhyming on it was good. Overall this was a good post. Keep them coming
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Old 05-24-03, 07:19 PM   #3
MC Maurice
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I agree with Lengendary, was good piece, id quote all n identify but id pretty much write identicle to what ^^ has wrote... its good keep it up, i can relate to it.....
~1~
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Old 05-24-03, 07:23 PM   #4
Fo' Real
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Thanks ya'll... uppin for more opinions.....
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Old 05-25-03, 05:42 PM   #5
PlaGuE2
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same, im agreeing with lengendary on this one, was like it was said from ur heart not thought out just read out..... nice........................
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