is it wrong not to want tommorow for the hurt of today,
can i live in the moment an let my faith not sway/
do i dare question ur motives for life taken away,
or do u dare leave me hopeless to my bodies decay/
4 my mind intwined w/ our thoughts of forever,
to b eternaly, reflectin my soul emersed in we/
do u dare spite tha fact that i would bleed 4 we,
jus to lay in the same bed at night and peacfully sleep/
am i askin too much to just love this woman,
not jus a night stand, oaths of truth from my right hand/
never had to fight emotions of faltering devotion,
our climax left me open, ur words my lifes opus/
am i wrong to miss u enough to join u in ascention,
not to fear this outlook, my soul has been imprisoned/
appeal to tha court but there misguided predeterminations,
stopped my light of love before its reached germination/
u told me stand firm and patient for there are many,
but chemistry is delicate and our simitry is perfect/
or is it im just not yet worthy of this happiness,
some karma from way back has its grasp on my bliss/
tha path is lit w/ stars so i may find my way back ,
i jus hope that God might forgive such a flagrant act/
cuz i cant take this life w/o u to lay in my lap,
bring a end to this chapter, im on my way...

that was nice but dont make the symbols and stuff it is harder to see how it flows

Wow this was nice mayn...

You got mad potential..
''not jus a night stand, oaths of truth from my right hand/''
feelin this..

Keep droppin gems my brother...

peace
one

hmm...ur opening is really interesting..u started it in a form of a question where u are wondering for a fact how the future can be wrong or right regarding of whats in the present....good job for that.



i really liked this part...the metaphor "body's decay" are really deep...it shows how u were hurt soo bad and u seem confuse of the whole reason why is this person u are referring to did this to u..like ur making us understand what she did kills you bit by bit...niiice



this part i feelin it... the strong words of remembrance of memories like it would be totally kept for thousands of years...am i even making sense?? LOL




question would every1 want an answer to....i liked how u use "we" for "us"



wow man...thats definitely deep..."oaths of truth from my right hand" no one could ever put those in the right words...damn



good vocab in these lines....emotions are getting stronger as i read every line..



i dont have anything more to say on this....i can relate for the fact that arrggh! love do suck ..or maybe its just me LOL



hmm...quite confusing at some points but i like how the way u mentioned appealing to the court as if ur like defending something...kinda awesome in a way



wow..the "simmetry is perfect" definitely fits...its like ur showing how u guys are made for each other...like a line..ur at one end and her is at the other



the word "karma" is kind of a cool word to fit in ur poem...its like a consequence waiting to happen for something in return of what u did...props..



nice metaphor and imagery...like how the path is lit with stars..i like that



the ending...hmm..its kinda missing something i dont know what it is...but u couldve done it better..u shouldve like describe or end what it is ur going through this poem or either...answer those questions...that u were asking metaphorically...but this is nice...


keep em droppin!...*whew* finally..this is a long one

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>