A song about my life currently... tried to keep it kinda deep... tell me what you think:

Girl why you plaing with my mind?
Going back and forth all the time like you were tangled in twine.
Makin my heart crack in a thousand lines.
Feel like I’m cut up rolling in a salt mine with a minus sign
On my chest if I’m not the best go back and rest
On your man and get your patience tested get beat and get molested.
You had me guessing what was coming next
Giving me rain checks I was feeling perplexed.
You played me like I was for free
You hurt me when you said you cant see me
Because you have love for another guy and he be
The only one and I’m sitting here believing
I was only for the rebound like a rubber ceiling.
And now you’re leaving me here to rot I might as well not
Ever come back to you thinking I got a shot
At prying you away from a guy you say you hate.
Being a little too late for you but that’s fate.


Now I’m depressed and feeling messed up in the head
Layin in my bed and wishing I was dead.
Wishin it could end and realizing my friends
Are all potheads wasting their bread instead.
I could have been so much more.
Sometimes I wish there was some gangsta standin out my door
Whose family is poor and doesn’t care if he capped me
Because he’s got nothing to spare cause his kids are bare and cant even afford a lawn chair.
I’ll step out side and try to reason
Please don’t make me die my whole family might cry if I’m leavin.
Sometimes I ask how long they’d be grievin.
If I even died cause I’m underachievin.
I should just roll a joint and miss what I really believe in.
My whole life is pointless I’m fleein
None of my friends are seein
How much pain within myself I’m feelin.
They say I’m up but really I’m just agreein.


I take a breath in, its not air its sin.
Givin up and smoking drugs and drinking gin.
The sad thing is I don’t care about any of this.
Walking the thin line of life, my feet starting to miss.
I lay and piss on myself to drunk to walk
People telling me my choice stunk I’m starting to talk
Like I don’t give a fuck, and its true.
I’ve been blue for a long time and its not because of you
Its my fault I’ve been feeling ill and kinda queazy
I’m not fufilled with my life its getting kinda sleazy
Wont stoop to be killed by myself that would be to easy
I have too much to build with this that would be crazy
Cant be lazy for the rest of my life though it can be a chore
I still need to maybe have a wife and kids not a whore
I need to try harder and not dick around anymore
I’m bolting outta this door, I’ve got way too much to explore.

Yo this was Ill man........U expressed how u felt in this Piece....Nice shit man...Return da favour http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=54967

Thanks, uppin for some more thoughts.......................................... .................................................. .........

Return da favour http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=54967

Thats How i am dawg! I feel u!

this was a nice peice. not great, or complex, or anything like that. but it was nice.
the dopest line I've heard since rapper's delight(not really, but still dope):
I take a breath in, its not air its sin.

I love that line. its uber ill lol.
anyways, this had a good feel to it, expressive of emotions, really felt you on this one. you should try to up wordplay and rhyming, because you rhymed obviously rhymable words. I could predict what word was coming next.
keep writing, it just keeps gettin better.
One

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis