aiyo... this is only like the first verse... lemme know what yall think

yo,
theres no controllin these devoted emotions im feelin,
sometimes I wish I could just grasp ahold of em and pin em.
Should I trash em and kill em, or try to mold em into this rap that Im spillin?
This shit is the realest rap that I've written,
and like magic its hitten the exact spot thats trippin...
Its like a vivid image of you,
Honest to GOD, I love every inch of you,
all five foot two and dyed hair wit roots,
So even when your bitchin, I STILL tempted to love you.
This shits so insane its drivin me crazy.!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can one chick change my whole mind frame thats stayed the same since I was a baby.
How can one lady make me hate myself, and love her more than anything else in the world.
This is so heart felt, that writtin this loosens the slack in my belt,
It relieves all this stress in my back and it helps,
to lay all this down and map out exactly whats felt,
knowin damn well, theres no turnin my back and its hell, cause........

<chorus> (my boy Marc is gonna sing this, like eminems song "say good bye to Holly wood.")

I really think, really think that I need you...
Seem to believe, believe this shit is true...
Hate to think, hate to think that I love you...
cant seem to say, say that I want you....( I want YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!)

holla, lemme know what yall think...
i'm serious think of changin a chorus... i hate written em though... im no good at it...lol

It was Tight , But too Short

It was a overall solid piece..uppin for the newbie

THANKS FOR THE PROPS.

yo that was good......propz

good for a newbie, could up vocab and flow tho and describe using metaphors and wot not, keep on wrting and elvate tho m8
well done
peace