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Dark, Cold, and Lonely
IP: 3630 692D
My life, you wouldn't neva imagine//
I'm can sit back & tell you what happend// I can use three words to describe tha picture// I'm gettin smaller while my life is gettin bigger// DARK Every person has a dark side// And it ain't fun roller coasters,like a park ride// I can tell you my side is worst// Knew about evil from my birth// Bring you pain and hurt// HA HA HA-evil smirks// Something beatiful wouldn't be evil,that's ya expectation// But I been known to show a dark side without hesitation// COLD Some people are very cold// I learned this when 13 years old// In the streets,ni99a turn their back// U were cool, but now u throw sneak attacks// With missiles launching// My heart rapidly thumpin// Who is next to feel tha bullets dumpin'// Where I'm at, life is really gelid// It hurts just 2 open my eyelids// I'm 2 wise and I'm still a kid// At times I can feel tha iciness// But I'm Savory, I can bring spiceiness// LONELY Sometimes I get lonely// Tha world, closin its doors on me// Wit my ex boy turning on me// When will this ever decease// Boys leavin tears fa weeks// Being alone is mostly ya fault// You broke my heart down into grains of salt// I don't care, I'm 15 , still got life to go around me// But being lonely contines to surround me// The world is what I try to avoid// But my tears is all the noise// Staying alone is sometime awkward// Cause I never leave my house like an internet shopper// And u still askin when can you come see me// You'll only understand if you can be me// And truly took a path in my shoes// You'll see tha bath of lonliness I go through// Nobody never ever stays true// So dat's why I stay away from you// Dat's something you will neva apprehend// You can act and pretend// Smile a fake a$$ grin// But I dark, cold, lonely 2 tha end |
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Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
Shiznit's THoughts:
VOCABULARY >definitely up for that cuz u used mainly simple and plain words and just basically threw random stuff on this...if you would use like more deeper or like more interesting words that would caught the readers eyes...this would be good FLOW >i dont really feel the flow of this cuz the lines were short although its quite amazing on how u categorized...dark, cold and lonely made ur piece attractive....but wasnt really feelin it too much WORDPLAY >hmm the only thing that i noticed is that this was somewhat like a keystyle that were elaborated by some kind of story....its really interesting..but couldve been better if u put more in it ya know...just a thought.. CONTENT >affections and emotions stood out on this piece...life sometimes do suck sometimes and we cant really control it but the only thing we can do to affect the flow of life is when we make choices...and think about its positive and negative effects of it...love it OVERALL >wasnt bad at all...this is the first one ive read...and i know that you couldve made this better...but hey...there are still other chances...take them ![]() drop more!
__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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IP: 8229 A4FA
^^^yeah this could have been way better....this is not some of my best work....i can't write like i used to but i'm tryin to get back there...i might have lost my touch (in writing text)
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