somebody turn off the heat its gettin hot/
i drop some ill-shit- on the spot/
mopped the floor wit cha/
blood stained and bones rained/
body fluid and tempruture drained/
head sliced and maimed/
why fuck wit someone u kno nuttin bout?/
ill end your cash supply like an Egypt drought/
sent from the heavens above-life aint bout love/
u cant surive on love itself/
u need ot have ur surplus on the shelf/
im talkin bout coke-weed-heroin/
u broke-freeded-life is a sin/
u cant neva do sumfin wrong/
i wish i wasn't a fiend for killin/
my life is drillin-im thrillin/
im pillin-injectin/
suspectin--- Im on S.O.S (Shot on site)/
and i still go outside-shit u can abide, these nuts/
fuckin the law is against me-dun even need a hook im to raw, try n prevent me/
u gotta respect me- or they'll be hollow tips in yo ass/
me n my cash stash-new life/
new strife- peace

not too bad...
you need to work on structure and flow...

also increase vocab...

keep writin...

peep my open mic as well

what?...

I like the shit frankly.....you can only elevate right?

check out this battle votes appreciated
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...1020#post751020

thanks for replys UPPIN

uppin 4 replys

try and extend ur bars a lil to include more wordplay,and vocab,it had flow and was a good starter peice.

hit one of mines up dawg.

thanks for reps, UPPIN

Overall I liked it..................

Peace~~~~~~~~~~>

thanks for reps UPPIN

UPPIN

GOOD POST MAD POTENTIAL AND YOU ELEIVATING WITH EACH ONE YOUR ON YOUR WAY

thanks nigga
Uppin

need a betta stucture and wordplay from me, jus elavate and hit ur head on a cloud, ha ha jus playin...

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lol thanks for the rep uppin