I just found this shit that I wrote like 4 months ago. It goes to tha song "Get Away" by Mobb Deep but I switched up tha concept a little. Tha "Get Away" beat is kinda simple so that's why tha flow is basic on this shit and tha lines seem short but if you spit it to tha beat than you will see tha flow.....


(Sometimes I feel I gotta Get Away)

Verse 1:
Livin life on tha wrong course with no remorse//
Chilling and smoking blunts on tha back porch// (Ooh Ooh)
Livin a life torn, wondering why I'm still here//
All tha pain I lived through and all tha tears// (Get Away)
All dese momma's boys, dey spoiled rotten//
Livin my life is a pain, so i ease it with narcotics// (Ooh Ooh)
I'm bout to take everything back, fuck sharing//
Nobody really caring, so I tell my parents (Get Away)//
Living life is like a bad habit, I'm loosing it//
I don't want to live but for some reason I keep doing it// (Ooh Ooh)
My mind hurts from all tha thinking I do//
My eye is twitching bitch I ain't winking at you// (Get Away)
Long nights as I lay awake, downing on my mistakes//
Wondering if I'mma live to see better days// (Ooh Ooh)
But fuck that, I can't choke on tha past//
Try to keep living but I'm walking on broken glass//

Hook:
(Get Away)
From all the stress in this life, being protected by the knife,
But still saying my blessings at night//
(Ooh Ooh)
Walking around with cold feet, you don't know me,
So homie stop tryna judge me//
(Get Away)
From all the hate and the violence, mistaken the kindness,
So silence is replaced with the sirens//
(Ooh Ooh)
Every morning I wake up, seeing life is made tough,
Cuz of all of the fake love//
(Get Away)

Verse 2:
This fake love got me running in circles//
I'm confused...but you can't let it hurt you// (Ooh Ooh)
Gotta live strong, but protect your own//
Stay on track, cuz you gotta set the tone// (Get Away)
Don't let these faggots mess you up//
This game is fucked, remember only yourself can dress you up// (Ooh Ooh)
Emotions built with alturism and empathy//
Talking about you care but probably won't remember me// (Get Away)
Tryna escape reality and indulge in my dreamworld//
But my dreams are fucked so I turn to beats and herbs// (Ooh Ooh)
Don't wanna take the easy way out, but that's where I'm headed//
But now I got the problem of choosing which method// (Get Away)
Try to elevate as tha time becomes relapsed//
Yeah I'm mad, so I pull out tha nine, bust and blast// (Ooh Ooh)
So people need to get tha fuck out of my way//
Before today becomes tha time I pull tha fuck out and spray//

Hook:
(Get Away)
From all the stress in this life, being protected by the knife,
But still saying my blessings at night//
(Ooh Ooh)
Walking around with cold feet, you don't know me,
So homie stop tryna judge me//
(Get Away)
From all the hate and the violence, mistaken the kindness,
So silence is replaced with the sirens//
(Ooh Ooh)
Every morning I wake up, seeing life is made tough,
Cuz of all of the fake love//
(Get Away)

Can I get some feedback?

Nice drop it...I kinda liked it the way u structred it and the wording was also good can u take a look at these
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=71510
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=71509

nice peice, good word usage and the same shit he said^, i wrote a peice kinda the same except its not really the same lol, i dunno the title cought my eye "get away" cuz my peice was called "break away" well 1 and peep my song for me if ya can

__________________
Corrupted Visions

i felt it a lil diff but that is authentic so without a doubt you did illness stay up twin

Nice drop and shit...some of it didn't rhyme in my mind..proablly casue i dont have the beat..but yeah..nice drop homie

Oh yeah if you want man..you can throw something up in mine its just
"freestyle...vote up"
i keystyled it..so it kinda of sucks

i don't recall the song. but i liked the drop flow was smooth and i don't see why you're bagging simplicity. things are best said in a simple manner. helps open yourself up to the less intelligent reader. i liked this shit now can you check mine out LOL just kidding dawg funny how no one wants to read shit for free huh?

lol i love it..no its more or less im tryign to get fucking posts..cuase this god damn site is like..u need 100 posts beofre you can do JACK SHIT

That's exactly why I made tha verse simple but most people don't understand that when it comes to reality type songs, its more about what is being said instead of how you said it through multies and shit. It helps give things a clearer image instead of using forced multies and shit just to make it sound nice.

Thanks for tha feedback.....

Uppin.....

dude...that avatar...good lord

Yea that shit is nice right?.....Wtf does it matter tho? I'm asking for critique on my open mic drop not my fucking avatar....