break away

this is to all the ppl who looked up to someone
and found out what they were really like

ground has crumbled befor ur feet, the tree u looked up to, lost all its leaves
and the time has come for me to leave my body, for me to be free
my time and devotion has come to a loss in my life
my time has destroyed my emotions and everything that was light
has now turned dark, it feels like my life is over and im out
ive got no route, no way i can talk no reason to shout
things are not how they seem, everything has left me dumbfounded
had a plan as a dream, but recent regrets i dont know where im bounded
lookin up has become a unfomfortable posture
so now i look down like im not so secure
looked at him i had nothing to say, couldnt look in his face
he was a disgrace to me, i was alone and misplaced
1 thing that i had held on to everything else was long gone
now nothing to live for but to show he was wrong allalong
i saw what hes done, i saw right through him
tryna pretend nuttins wrong but its been deja vu with them
he made me so sad he made me so mad
i cant say that i hate him but fuck my dad

i jus wanna break away, so i can live today
so my body can heal, so i can feal
real things whileist i lay, to death
from everylast breath, i need to find myself today
i jus wanna break away, so i can live today
so my body can heal, so i can feal
real things whileist i lay, to death
from everylast breath, i need to find myself today

then there was this kid that i though was the greatest
better then Ali, my best friend, he was allways the bravest
then when things with his perents started goin down hill
everything that was a dream, it all became real
thats when he first picked up the alcohol
stoped what he was doing, droped the basketball
words started getting brutal, and i stoped listning to he said
he cussed me out a few times, poped things into my head
said it was my fault things were going bad for him
and that i deal with it diferently, said im like a sim
im controlled by my self, and hes controlled my his emotions
said his whole world turned on him and lost all his devotion
to live and his life was over, and he was sad alot
i looked up to him and he guided me like author to the knights of camelot
nothing couled sooth him and he faught with such compassion
could and would not loose an argument aslong as his life was lastin
intoxicated sometimes irate at my mother
but the recoil of his tempor is me hatin my brother

i jus wanna break away, so i can live today
so my body can heal, so i can feal
real things whileist i lay, to death
from everylast breath, i need to find myself today
i jus wanna break away, so i can live today
so my body can heal, so i can feal
real things whileist i lay, to death
from everylast breath, i need to find myself today

uppin

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Corrupted Visions

need some feedback please help me out

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Corrupted Visions

uppin

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Corrupted Visions

damn, you been slept on

thsi was actally a very dope peice, imagery was great and very vivd, like the first two lines, i luved em
a simple flow but still a good one, you kept it goin`
content was nice, tho i did get a bit boring near the end and i lost interest......emotion was nice in the word choice tho, i liked that

peace, return the favor

still lookin for some feedback on this peice, thanx dawg for taken a few seconds and writen i appreciated it

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Corrupted Visions

uppin for feedback

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Corrupted Visions

not bad.....lots of emotion....liked that fo sho
keep rhymin'...hit me back dawg'


Nasti Nati

thanx for the reply

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Corrupted Visions

lookin for some feedback this peice has been major slept on

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Corrupted Visions

great subject matter wonderful use of a plot in angles-
poetic stanza was a great expression to write in.
expressive and the use of ulterant meaning made this phenom im pissed this got slept on

This shit was real deep and I liked it alot. It was more of a poem tha way you had it structured. I noticed some inner rhyme scheming in there too. Tha second verse kind of reminded me of things too and I liked that shit and I could sort of relate to some of tha shit going on. I'd give it an 8/10 for tha reality type shit....



That bar right there was hot shit. Keep dropping realness.....