Just take a seat and while your at it, take some notes
And if ya piss me off, i might slit some throats
My ballin skills are mad, and i take a lot of shit
From people who think they're good, but they ain't even legit
I keep my emotions inside all bottled up
And one day, i know there gonna erupt
Just hope I don't go off on you, cuz I got a lot of hate
Especially for that queer coach named KJ
His head is in the clouds, he thinks he is always right
But he's not, you can tell as easy as day and night
I could go on and on bout him, but i ain't
Hopefully in the future i become a rap saint
One day i'll be reconized for the shit that i spit
One day people will reconize that i'm lyrically fit
Until that day comes, i will keep dreaming
Improving my rap game keep it gleaming
I'm done for now, but i will be back soon
To take you off in my journey; spittin' some tunes


Nasti Nati

somethin i wrote in bout 20 min.
holla at me y'all

c'mon y'all

Aight this is better than ya otha shit but all open mics should never have any line fillers in them. Line fillers are lines that don't mean or say shit, they are just there for tha purpose to rhyme cuz you can't find a good line to put there.

I could go on and on bout him, but i ain't
Hopefully in the future i become a rap saint <===

This line was a filler and than you started talking about rapping from playing basketball. Tha subject shouldn't just suddenly change that quickly.

And another thing about ya flow, each bar was equal in syllables to each other so each bar flowed right, but you went from 4 bars with 11-12 syllables, to 2 bars with 8 syllables and then 2 bars where one line was 15 syllables and another line with 8 syllables. This type of shit is going to fuck up ya flow. Try to keep each line at about tha same amount of syllables throughout ya whole verse so your flow doesn't get switched up a lot.

This was an OK drop.....6/10

VISION WAS ON POINT WITH THIS CRITIQUE I LIKE THIS NONE THE LESS BUT HIS ADVICE IS WORTH TAKING

thanks dawg

i agree with them, pretty good drop tho, elevate a bit, check out some of the other open mics, watch and learn, youll get there someday 5/10