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Old 08-15-03, 09:00 AM   #1
Fine_Steph
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story of blame

IP: 34BF DD77

what up:

yo i can gaze for days up into the horizon,
my minds a maze or regrets and sins that just aint dying,
this world is cold and ugly when youve got nobody
im by myself in sickness and in health, its only
fingerprints on my wall, where the hall is bare
i sit and stare in dispair, iv so much to repair,
but i still care, and im gonna move on
to show the hidden side of me thats been in secret so long.
when i snap back into reality, i see that things arnt as bad as they seemed to be,
i grab the phone to call you, and i conceal the hate,
at this rate, well be together if we comisserate, and tie up the loose ends,make up and then wer friends,
from friends to more depends, on how we make ammends
for all the things that happened, the hi's and the low's
how when you look at my face the ground beneath me froze,
it affectes how we'll grow, and get know eachother again,
if we can cope with the pain,
put it outside in the rain, and do the same with the blame,
just take each day as it comes
cause in truth its not easy to walk away from these problems.

thats my first effort pleez dont be too critical
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Old 08-15-03, 08:33 PM   #2
.:Armd:.
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IP: C1DA C961

uhhh..this was descent at 1st..then it got horribly wack..the 1st 6 lines or so were ok..not the greatest..but not bad..after that..it got more simple..and more pointless..also..nobody and only dont really rhyme that well..flow was ok..multis were ight..seemed like u tried too hard wit this..structure needs a lot of work..keep all ur bars/lines even..seem to have the basics down..just gotta step it up..work on ya flow..multis..complexity..
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