Pop, pop, pop, you hear dem shots going off/
You betta be duckin or you might get popped/
Its a shame to see ya parents shakin in shock/
After they find ya body lyin next to the dock/
Its a shame that it had to end up this way/
Steady hustlin on the block just to get paid everyday/
Never takin no slack in no kind of way/
As the trigga pulls back, sayin ya last prayer wishin that the world woulda just cared/

Struggling just to get by, Struggling to keep your head high/
When all you got in the world is you, its hard to teach others that have no clue/
The time is now to communicate so others dont end up wit the same fate/

Its too often said in the news and tv "there goes another brotha lost to the streets"/
The family and friends shouldn't have to live with that/
Knowing their friend could lose their life to a gat/
Think back how many times u mourned a loss for no reason/
In the hood it goes on daily without rhyme or reason/
Its sad innocents get caught in the crossfire/
Just cuz they're wearin the wrong color or attire/
Gangs killin their own cuz they think they're not down/
When really they're just lookin for a friend to be around/
Looking for love from anyone that'll listen/
Hopin they'll finally recieve what it is they're missin/

Struggling just to get by, Struggling to keep your head high/
When all you got in the world is you, its hard to teach others that have no clue/
The time is now to communicate so others dont end up wit the same fate/

Why would you wanna leave it alone when it can change for the better/
Knowing you did nothin to make this world better/
How can you live with the fact that you a quitter/
Do you want your kids to be dishonorable and bitter/
Everyone needs to do their part to show others what it is to have heart/
Cuz we all one race, we all one fam, and now is the time to show 1 LOVE/

Struggling just to get by, Struggling to keep your head high/
When all you got in the world is you, its hard to teach others that have no clue/
The time is now to communicate so others dont end up wit the same fate/

Struggling just to get by, Struggling to keep your head high/
When all you got in the world is you, its hard to teach others that have no clue/
The time is now to communicate so others dont end up wit the same fate/


Feedback plz!!

This was structured poorly I had to read it twice to find your rhyme scheme. There was no wordplay no vocab to be impressed wit the structure eliminated any flow you might have had. I don't know you and this is not hate i'm trying to help you escalate. Multi's would help along with interbar rhyming but first peep some other pieces or check out the W.E.C Rythmic Tendencies has a good piece on structure that helped me. Keep at it dawg. 1

thanks man!

more replies please!!

quite honestly i read this..


Pop, pop, pop, you hear dem shots going off/
You betta be duckin or you might get popped/


and stopped. please dont bring that gangsta shit here.

man who are you to say what ppl can write??

if u just read it you'll get the point dawg!!