What would it take to wrangle your pride?
True to your lable the minimal you provide
Your breaking me down, too tired to hide

Treatment unfair, yet you demand toleration
Since I was 5 you had my utmost admoration
All I'm asking for is a little congratulations!

Instead you doubt my goals and ambition
Singing you're wrongs no song of admision
Supposed to shelter me from these conditions

To hold me when I cry and rock me back to sleep
Teach me how to thank the Lord, pray my soul to keep
This little girl is thinking she has sowed what is reaped




But all I can think to my self is "Momma, practice what you preach."

tight piece, it was short but still to tha point,emotion was felt.keep spittin,peace out baby girl

thanks... This came from an argument so I'm sure it was more emotion but still, thank you... peace

I like your pieces cuz they speak of the things around us that are so true. It was a little short but thats okay cuz the point got across there was no need for more really. You can feel your respect and your anger with just a little bit of sadness. I think this was great.

"Treatment unfair, yet you demand toleration
Since I was 5 you had my utmost admoration
All I'm asking for is a little congratulations!"

I tend to read things each line at a time. But I felt this had to be read at a faster pace and only pause and the end of each verse. Some reason, I dunno.

Great peice, of course. I can really feel the temporary distress displayed in the lyrical litarary vocabulary of yours. Around the tenth line I really liked it.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Cali*

what prolifc quoted gave me that spoken word feeling
and you definately steped your game up on this here.
even with it being a spur of the momet slasha
personel piece,you displayed everything nicely....

props cheerz peace...gotta sleep

~ ~ oh..I dont need to anymore

well thank you very much, yea Nec I agree with you about that pausing at the end of it all... that was how I meant it, I dunno I like the flow to be like that when I'm angry I think... But I am glad that you noticed it. Content thank ya bud for sayin that I stepped it up, I really veiwed this peice as not so good because it has more emotion than anything in it and I'm not to that level yet where I can express extreme emotion and great writting ablities at the same time... but I'm tryin. Thank yuo again guys, peace

I really liked it. Reading it, it seemed like a conversation, and now that I know it was from an argument, it all made sense. It'd make a good defence, but would be forward at the same time. Which is a good way to get your point across. Keep it up.

nice piece baby girl, really nice
I felt the emotions and knowing it came out from an argument only makes the message stronger. You had good flowz mixed with real emotions which made this a dope piece.
Keep dropping

thank all of you very much...

I just have to say wow on this piece....You really can feel the emotion behind every line in this poem.... Its feels like you have a lot of animosity towards this person(your mother). All I can say is great vocab, stucture, emotion, and rhyme scheme...Beautiful piece all around here.... I give this peice a 9.9/10

Treatment unfair, yet you demand toleration
Since I was 5 you had my utmost admoration
All I'm asking for is a little congratulations!

Instead you doubt my goals and ambition
Singing you're wrongs no song of admision
Supposed to shelter me from these conditions

^^^These two sections here are what really stood out to me. they just made me think about things similar to this in my life (which is really hard to make me do by just simply reading a poem.. But you managed to do just that)

Well done here I hope to read more from you soon