This is just me spouting scheiße out my ass. Except unlike my last peice, this one rhymes. And it also takes things from other sources a lot more blatant. (Like you can't tell which lines were tooken from DMX or from NWA. Pft.)

Blood Party

It's only night time when you're shunned from the sun
Like Chuck D said it's easier to forget me than to come get me
Fight for peace, fuck for virginity
Since when is drugs, supremecy and mysoginy the holy trinity
You got a second for your son mother?
I'm trying to talk, it's either that or fight or run, brother
Lets take a walk
As we go a little something like this, HIT IT!
Heres a little gangster short in size
A sad clown mask is his only disguise
Built like a twig and easy to snap
I'm just sick of taking all of your crap
I know I was created for better things
Yet sometimes my mind feels like a collision of trains
Burning a covered bridge with the grass seed from the trail
Oregonian my sodomized ass, I'm more likely the son of Ba'al
Son of a pervert, son of a man
I came out in the fetal position never wanting to stand
Because I knew my legs would crumble underneath me
So no one, not even the government, would ever seek me
No one'll want me, no one'll need me
Cut me open and watch me bleed, see? SEE?!?!
Emotional? Yeah, I'm emotional, wouldn't you be?
To find you'd be nothing without a computer and TV
I can get rid of the garbage but I can't get rid of the love
Or my brain, or my heart, or whatever the fuck I'm made of
I'm not obsessed with being the best
I'm obsessed with being able to express
Any of my thoughts or feelings and then be at rest
Because when I get test I get so hard pressed
To be able to spit the wisdom that show I've been blessed
Can you love me, any body?
Would you kiss me? Would you hug me?
Would you be for me what I would be for you?
Would you do for me anything for you that I would do?
Life is shit, and I am full of life
Stryfe is a bitch, but she's also my wife
So is misery and so is pain
So is everything, so is anything
I got sunshine in a bag on a cloudy day
When it's cold outside, I let the fire spray
And burn everything, Just so I could say
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, paint it gray
I could of painted it black, but thats politically incorrect
Paint it African American, and paint it with respect
But respect only the woman, because I hate the black man
I hate the white man, I hate the yellow man, I hate every man
I hate men impaling women through their torsos
All humans cause pain but men do it more so
Of course I am a man and yeah I'm causing pain
But at least I only do so by picking at your brain

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

This is one DOPE ass piece! I still don't see how the title is fitting.

I'm really feeling this piece. Everything is one point, and the topic is just ridiculously ingenious. Presentation was up there as well.

"It's only night time when you're shunned from the sun
Like Chuck D said it's easier to forget me than to come get me
Fight for peace, fuck for virginity
Since when is drugs, supremecy and mysoginy the holy trinity
You got a second for your son mother?
I'm trying to talk, it's either that or fight or run, brother"

-this segment was nice, enjoyed the catch 22 feel of this particulary section.

"I came out in the fetal position never wanting to stand
Because I knew my legs would crumble underneath me"

-I liked this. way to use nature as an excuse.

"I could of painted it black, but thats politically incorrect
Paint it African American, and paint it with respect"

-I thought this segement was funny. Society prides itself in being politically correct (right).

"I hate men impaling women through their torsos"

- I'm not sure how you actually meant this, but I understood it as torsos being a synonym for heart.

Really nice to see a topic like this and then to have a piece written so well about it...

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"life is a game, you have to choose a side to play
if i gotta pick a position, i'mma pick missionary."

this is so damn reminiscent of a sage francis
spoken word that its sickening necro ( this is good )

lets see...im clinicly bonkers and hate just about
everyone that this gods great earth offers ~aes rock~

id say I dont get it to be a prick but this was
simple and well vented as well...allowing you
to touch on many different subjects quite 'cleverly'

shoulda saved it for the tournament...you woulda
won against whoever..but then again we dont
know the topics the end chose for us...

I got nothin against ya..if we hung out in real life id
probaly like ya even though we're probaly really different...

all n all this was a good piece..nothing to critique...

la paz

Very impressive...
I was taken back at first by the length..
But I've found often that the longer pieces
tell more of a story..and usually hold my
interest all the way through
as did this one...

I don't know what lines were taken from what
But this line:

"Fight for peace, fuck for virginity"

Really caught my attention, such a cliche, but I'm
loving that...not only the irony...but the practicality
of it...very nice

But alot of this piece caught my attention...
It's nice to read some stuff from you again...

tight ass shit.......keep eat up......

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Wow Necro ...such a very artistic piece.

I knew it all along that you have such a very creative imagination. One little aspiration and it would just turn out into a complete inspirational transcedence. Quite revealing the aquitted message that i somehow stepped aside. Ideas from the brain derived and compiled with such great passion.

Executed terms strictly refined. The whole idea of "All humans cause pain but men do it more so" Had this affectionate reach on the fact of admitting Men do sometimes cause more pain than women but the genre today is actually reversing it backwards. I dont know but truth is Humans can never be perfect. Flaws are everywhere. I read once someone said that "People doesnt change, just opinions" but i believe that People actually do change. They grow. Despite all that, this piece was quite a catcher in the rye.

I liked it from top to bottom. Brilliant.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

Y'know... unlike all the other poser-goths that write poetry, I think I can honestly say that no one'll ever understand the darkness that is my soul.

First, I'd like to say I love any and all responses I get. Even that one liner from $tyle/$witch.

Now, I'd like to say that you all described my peice incorrectly. Actually, Content came the closest to describing it when he said it was "damn reminiscent of a sage francis spoken word". Because I know for a fact that Sage Francis and other coffee house dwellers for open mic nights spit nothing but bullshit and crap. And that is exactly what I spouted with this peice. Bullshit and crap.

You all make it seem like I was being clear and concise or that I actually had a singular topic. Well I wasn't clear, I wasn't concise, and I had no singular topic. The topic was how The Goddess has treated me wrong all these years, how I am not a true native Oregonian, how the Government hates me, how no one could love me, how men torture women, how I torture everyone else by reviewing their poetry.

*sigh*

Let's reveiw, shall we?

Blood Party

First, the title. I named it Blood Party. Blood because it is me dripping my life force, and party because it is chaotic and funky at the same time.

It's only night time when you're shunned from the sun
Like Chuck D said it's easier to forget me than to come get me
Fight for peace, fuck for virginity
Since when is drugs, supremecy and mysoginy the holy trinity

I wrote this to show that everything means nothing and that nothing means anything.

You got a second for your son mother?
I'm trying to talk, it's either that or fight or run, brother
Lets take a walk

This part was paradyzed from the DMX song "Minute for your son". Except I asked my mother, The Goddess. And I realized that she doesn't give a fuck about me, so change the fucking subject.

As we go a little something like this, HIT IT!
Heres a little gangster short in size
A sad clown mask is his only disguise
Built like a twig and easy to snap
I'm just sick of taking all of your crap

Here I try to change the subject. But I still come back to The Goddess. These lines were tooken from an NWA song, I forget the name of it.

I know I was created for better things
Yet sometimes my mind feels like a collision of trains
Burning a covered bridge with the grass seed from the trail
Oregonian my sodomized ass, I'm more likely the son of Ba'al
Son of a pervert, son of a man
I came out in the fetal position never wanting to stand
Because I knew my legs would crumble underneath me
So no one, not even the government, would ever seek me
No one'll want me, no one'll need me

This part, the first part, describes how I'm not really an Oregonian. There is a famous train wreck that happened here. Oregon is the covered bridge capital of the world, as well as the grass seed capital of the world. And everyone knows about the Oregon trail. In this verse I said fuck it all. And I also wrote about where I -did- come from, which is not from my mother but from my father. Who was nothing more than a perveted demon.

Cut me open and watch me bleed, see? SEE?!?!
Emotional? Yeah, I'm emotional, wouldn't you be?

These lines are oh so reminiscent of Eminem. I hate myself, shoot me now.

To find you'd be nothing without a computer and TV
I can get rid of the garbage but I can't get rid of the love
Or my brain, or my heart, or whatever the fuck I'm made of

I love the flow to these lines. Too bad they were subconciously ripped from Eyedea's song Even Shadows have Shadows.

I'm not obsessed with being the best
I'm obsessed with being able to express
Any of my thoughts or feelings and then be at rest
Because when I get test I get so hard pressed
To be able to spit the wisdom that show I've been blessed

These lines are pointless. I don't even understand 'em. Pointless dribble.

Can you love me, any body?
Would you kiss me? Would you hug me?
Would you be for me what I would be for you?
Would you do for me anything for you that I would do?

Ah... love. Why doesn't anybody love me? It's because I want love from a woman more than anything else and I know I'll never get it.

Life is shit, and I am full of life
Stryfe is a bitch, but she's also my wife
So is misery and so is pain
So is everything, so is anything

Okay, I'll admit, the life is shit and I'm full of life line was just pure reaking of awesometivity. I'm suprised such a cool line came outta my mind. The rest is stupid old school Necromancer poetry. Y'know... before I became the amazing ill and awe inspiring jabroni that I am today.

I got sunshine in a bag on a cloudy day
When it's cold outside, I let the fire spray
And burn everything, Just so I could say
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, paint it gray

Some guys were singing that "My Girl" song on television when I wrote this. I figured it'd tie in to that line about how I'd be nothing without a computer and a television. But I never got around to tying them in. Which shows what a lazy bastard I am.

I could of painted it black, but thats politically incorrect
Paint it African American, and paint it with respect

Paint it Black is an awesome song by the Rolling Stones. Sadly, in retrospect, I find this part to be quite humorous myself.

But respect only the woman, because I hate the black man
I hate the white man, I hate the yellow man, I hate every man
I hate men impaling women through their torsos

Y'know I see so many men abusing women it's not funny. And yet those women love those men that abuse 'em. I know I'd never abuse a woman, I guess that's why they don't love me. And that impaling through their torso line was to be ment literal. Theres a mans dick, and theirs a womans belly. Shove.

All humans cause pain but men do it more so
Of course I am a man and yeah I'm causing pain
But at least I only do so by picking at your brain

Men cause pain more then women. Y'know when women want to use blood for a rite of magick, they don't have to look any farther then a monthly cycle. But if a man wanted to use blood for a rite of magick, they'd have to look to a sword, a knife, a gun, a tank or some other war making device. But I don't need blood. I cause pain just by talking to others. Why, I wouldn't be suprised if I caused anyone pain with what I'm writing right now.

Now... like is said in that Beastie Boys song, In a World Gone Mad... "Peace to the middle East and Peace to..."

~Islam~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

you know it really doesn't matter what your point meant. It's what others interpreted. If you write thinking that everyone should understand it the way you wrote it, you wouldn't get feedback. this was a personal piece, people who view this will try and find a common ground with it so they can relate or else they wouldn't like it. Poetry is art, and we all look at the Mona Lisa differently.

__________________
"life is a game, you have to choose a side to play
if i gotta pick a position, i'mma pick missionary."

i fell in love with this as soon as i read it, almost saved it in my fave places. But as i scrowled down and found your explanition of it all, i found that in some spots i got what you meant but others it shook me to read what you really meant. and it makes me understand it and love it more, this in my opion is one of the best pieces ive read in a long time. i could feel deep emotion, awsome flow, great vocab, everything!

the biggest thing in it here was


But respect only the woman, because I hate the black man
I hate the white man, I hate the yellow man, I hate every man
I hate men impaling women through their torsos

if it wasnt for your explanition i probly wouldnt have looked at these words twice, but man

Y'know I see so many men abusing women it's not funny. And yet those women love those men that abuse 'em. I know I'd never abuse a woman, I guess that's why they don't love me.

that there got me i dunno but im pretty sure you could make me fall in love with you, without abusing me, man look at me im a mess, ive already got a crush on you just because of this piece lol

man i loved it everyword, makes me want to put even more effort into my shit. PEACE

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

Hmmm...well i pressed the space button by accident. And ended up scrolling down to your 'explanation'. And yes, i read it before reading your piece.

So i can't say i would've got it or not. I probably would not have. What you explained seemed to bring it quite within yourself. It'd take a bit of time to get to that meaning. Then again, one would have to know the character more in depth to maybe find it. Er...

...so once again, you pushing the boundaries on RB. NOt many do that on here. I hope this'll encourage people in a way.

I also 'appreciate' (well..) that no one will ever quite fully understand your soul (like so many..., yet not..). You bring forth a simple complexity. It enables both relation, and distance. And sometimes, both together. But then again, that's the case with so many...

Oh, critique? Well if it the your point was meant to be relatively accesible. Then i felt you could've placed a few more keys out here and there. And shone the light on a few more doors.

...resp...

the confusing ones are the most enjoyable and
te redundant ones are thoe that Id rather not
pay attention to...even though I hear it all

just upping...you deserve this..even if its from your ass..
you must have ate something pretty good....

peace

well yo...this was nice Nec...u still doin ya thing...

Fight for peace, fuck for virginity

that ^^^ didnt make shit of any sense though


Since when is drugs, supremecy and mysoginy the holy trinity

one of the dopest lines i read

ya vocab was well spread out...you didnt force on anything too much...i like ya transition of scenes from life...to youngling...to ya blood bath...etc...i could go on an on....but im not much like the rest of these cats...lol....

igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

^yes your not openminded..its a spoken word^

and your not a vet...if anything your
just old...as for anyone on this website....

if you get on forreal doing music and maintain
longevity....then you can call yourself a vet....

dawgs...beiliieve me....you dont wanna see it with preach....i can defeat ya sissy ass in anything...topical...battle...poetry...u name it been there you silly little shit....

if you cant take CONSTRUCTIVE criticism then quit... "Spoken word?"...what kinda dumb ass response is that...you chode!

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S