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08-15-03, 04:59 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Journeying Through Extremes...
IP: F79F E8EA
Echoing rhymes of times as i climb mountains with harrowing signs of past truth and lies ending merciful cries through irony's fate of subtle jest and bait ridden with incest layered by dark breaths that caress the spirit to near death as i beat my chest in raw vent before i ascend then implement the calm whilst burning thoughts of many sorts and forms resting with cohorts on ledges of rocky pledges loose from storms of torn imbedded norms fleeting on society's shores. Look into my worn eyes of formless wars fought to the core as avalanches fall i wonder what more this mass play has in store.
Cos it's taken so much as i clutch to memories of sweet touch and words such was our love so deep that i gently weep within seeping tears sparingly even in sleep. My insanity bred from dreaded exorcisms of red rivers within prisons to imbed what no longer isn't. Burrowing into nether regions of the mind n soul as it grinds me whole inside my control.. As wisdom falls of a broken sage, shackled in chains of crying slaves, churning rage n harmony in an endless cage. Others lay in my wake of opaque ways but i'll ache on up to make ammends for mistakes made by me unto fate....but never hate... EDIT: I guess you call it a vent. That's why i've left it how i wrote it. No real structure, might if i feel right, put it in later. Last edited by varentao : 08-15-03 at 10:49 PM. |
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08-16-03, 01:15 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: 4577 CD9A
It's certainly poetry, I tell you what. It's like you found some cornered section of your mind and broke the proverbial dam and the above is what poured out.
Is this how you generally write your peices, only to give it shape and structure like clay? Or was this just one of "those" kind of poems? ~Shalom~ |
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08-16-03, 02:03 AM | #3 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
is it that you two are probaly brothers?
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08-16-03, 02:18 AM | #4 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
looking quickly...
rhyms..times..climb...sign...lies....cries then the vocab imagery and age shows i just got done watching def poetry and you sound like one of those fuckers... which is a good thing theyre all good males and females.... p.s if necros your long lost brother seperated at birth hes a homo... with all respect due the fact of the matter is.....what you had was worth the reading and started out basic to begin with but was better further into it.... |
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08-17-03, 04:05 PM | #5 | |||||||
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IP: 64A5 FF18
Quote:
To an extent on both accounts. Though more so the latter. And content. No, we are not brothers. Just because he parodised/satirised the sig and avater i use/have. Doesn't mean he's my brother. In short, read the second sentence of this paragraph...(!)... both comments appreciated.. ..resp... |
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08-17-03, 08:04 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: 73D8 AACD
gotta say I've missed ur work...
this wasn't focused as the begining and I really wasn't sure what path you were taking..or if you were taking a path for that matter....it came clear in the middle section, or well i thought..but seemed to drift off again towards the end.....then i read the edit saying u were venting..and it made sense... I liked this..stay up |
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08-18-03, 08:24 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 64A5 FF18
Well i was unsure whether to call it a vent. As it's also very much an analysis. And it's to link the two in some peoples eyes. But yeah, it's a vent...i don't expect peopel to understrand much of it. It's written within myself, which is bad (or good, whichever way you look at it, but usually bad for the reader..)...
Commentsd appreciated. And once again, welcome back... |
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08-18-03, 09:31 PM | #8 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: DED4 6855
This is definately a personal piece, which no one can critique. Shows no opinion, but only feeling. Hard to make suggestions on how another feels.
I read this, and the interpretation I got and the how it related to me probably the opposite of what intention you wrote it. It's a great piece (as I understood it). Keep venting, you vent nicely. personal pieces like this, you don't know what exactly the author is getting across, it allows for the intrigue and mystery of deciphering your own meaning. that's why its art.
__________________
"life is a game, you have to choose a side to play if i gotta pick a position, i'mma pick missionary." |
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08-19-03, 09:39 AM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: 64A5 FF18
^Appreciated Jes, for digging and getting your own meanings. And understanding the way it was written.
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08-20-03, 05:12 PM | #10 | |||||||
Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
wow...now this is what ive missed about in the poertry section.
The abtractness that youve elaborated in this piece made it very highly enough to understand the aspect of interpreting one thing from another. The real hidden meaning directly offered a good thing that suppported the whole venting direction. On my perspective the personal response of each and every word of it compiled a very well thought out inspiration. i am beginning to understand the complexity of your works. Its definitely a good one. Its worth reading it.
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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08-20-03, 06:07 PM | #11 | |||||||
"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
Abstract indeed, dark in a sense, but more along the lines of mystic reflections. You seemlessly weave together classic vocab with hints of structured poetry, just hints, no real structuring. I think that really worked on this piece, no need to structure a "shaped" vent. You seem to be rationalizing, a personal approach to analyzing, reasuring yourself or the reader, that no matter your own anomolies in the production called life, you will never "hate" but recognize your mistakes and/or misfortunes... I tend to over analyze everything, but with my back ground that's common, I just hope I did not skew your message too much. That's what I got out of it... You are a very talented writer/poet, I have the utmost respect for your work...
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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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08-20-03, 07:36 PM | #12 | ||||||
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IP: 64A5 FF18
^^That's one of the major parts of it. I tried to put it in quite a few parts. Layering them raw in a vent. Rather than more intricately(sp). I appreciate what you got out of it.
Welcome back nitty. Both comments appreciated...(by the way, i tried to loosely base it around climbing up, in and around (especially up though) a mountain(s)/hill(s)...you know, as a distant focal point (that's an oxymoron, aint it?)...not too recurring...but there...)... ...resp... |
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08-20-03, 11:23 PM | #13 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
I like how when I read this I read each sentence without a breath, almost so that when i hit a fullstop I had to gasp for air. It made me feel it more, made me feel the desperation, synonymous with running out of air, like Im drowning in the thoughts fleeting through my mind, struggling to keep up.
Once taking a breath to relieve the pressure Id jump right back into the next sentence and on the story would go... Not sure you intended it this way as it is a vent and maybe not purposely constructed this way, but it did add to the experience. I dont know if this relates to just one personal experience, I kind of get the feeling it relates to life more so, to a range of emotional incentives you've experienced.. Interesting piece, Regards~
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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08-21-03, 06:26 AM | #14 | ||||||
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IP: 9B33 081B
I've actually read this several times and i still don't feel i can give an adequate response. but here goes........................................
if you meant this as a vent then you must speak more calmly when upset i know someone like this and i don't think my impression of you is far off, the content is off the charts the political/social awareness of it is indeed awe inspiring. as for the structure i've learned to find structure in anything (this spawned from my ability to read my own jumbled thoughts! lol) so i didn't have any problem in that regard. the vocabulary was the perfect place not to wordy but not simple either. so in all i think this is a magnificent work worthy of not only our attention but respect as well. i may respond again later so please do not be alarmed. As wisdom falls of a broken sage, shackled in chains of crying slaves, churning rage n harmony in an endless cage. Others lay in my wake of opaque ways but i'll ache on up to make ammends for mistakes made by me unto fate....but never hate...--wow pure thought. 1 |
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08-21-03, 08:43 AM | #15 | ||||||
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IP: 64A5 FF18
^Heh. Trust me Prophit, i'm as calm as they come. But this was the kind of piece where calm had to meet, er, the opposite of calm...and the stuff in between too....(!)...
Both comments appreciated. |
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