He sits in his wheeled chair, with thoughts of his enemies
And the only movement his leg gets is for jogging his memories
He's a war vet, and it's hard to believe he survived the storm
But now his skin is a pale gray like the army suit that he wore
With only one leg.. he tries to live life being happy and shit
But the sound of children and cheering is too saddening for him
Everyone looks at him like a disease, they tell him he's lucky
But no1 respects the fact he lost part of himself for his country
He's seen hell & it's ugly, seen friends cough up puke and teeth
And Seen helmets of blood where his friends' heads used to be
His been stabbed in the heart by baronets and it has hurt his love
& He's been knee-high in water-logged trenches of dirt & blood
When he signed up, he didn't do it for the stars and stripes
As he never knew that those endless battles would scar his life
He did it for the love and cheers, he was glad he had made it
And when he left for those battles, he left to a standing ovation..
..But when he returned, no1 applauded or paid him attention
Cause they looked at him first & noticed he had one leg missing
So they cheered for the "patriots", but he knew their true colors
That these "patriots" were the scared ones who acted like cowards
He would tell the others all about it, yet none of them listened
So soon enough, he faded away with the horizon in the distance
So now, you will never know what it is like to be labelled a flop
And you will never know what it is like being not able to walk
And you don't know what it's like living your whole life as a ghost
And you don't know the silence awaiting death to enter your home
Because he is so lonely, and anything he's ever had has gone
So how can he stand on his own two with only one leg to stand on?
But all he can remember is being at the Fronts of that damn war
And he'd stand for something, but he's got nothing to stand for

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<-- Baron Mynd

I personally thought this was dope, one of the better storytelling verses ive seen from you infact. flow was pretty on point throughout, nice use of multi's, good storytelling, subtle wordplay at the beginning that caught my eye, a few stand-out quoteable lines here and there, i loved this one in particular:


Ahhhhh, worded dopely my man, i like stuff like that. All in all a great piece, definatly not one that should be slept on here.

Props!

BARE KNUCKLES LETS BATTLE
OPEN RULES
JUST BATTL ME




YEAH SHAWTY WHAT U WANT TA DO SHAWTY?

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Xclusive point 90

im 4 real shawty

I make shit happen

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/a2a1...fc2EcABx_wPcIAH

HaHa..


Who the FUCK - are you!?

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^ Lmfao! Just Ignore That Kid, He Looked At Your Record And Probably Figured You'd Be An Easy Win For Him. .

Lol At His Sig, He Sounds Like A Nellyvillebattles.com Reject. .

Yeah, but if he actually CHECKED my battles;
He'd see that I lost to someone who is 7-1,
But I know what I have to do next time I battle..

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You deserved the win after delivering a more solid piece. . But that's another story.

This was a solid topical work in every aspect of its mechanics -- I think I remember reading it at RnR before, too. You maintained the same flow throughout the whole verse, however, I would critique a few things.

1. Try to add more inner-rhymes which will add to the effectiveness of the already spotless flow.

2. I couldn't help but notice that your last two lines seemed out of place. . Not the content, for it was a really good finisher, but you made this a thirty line piece. Personally, I tend to read Topical and Open Mic verses in four-line stanzas. I'm not sure if the same goes for everybody, though. I always try to end on the fourth line of a "stanza."

STAND-OUT LINES




You're talented -- Write more Open Mic stuff.

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Everyone looks at him like a disease, they tell him he's lucky
But no1 respects the fact he lost part of himself for his country

now that's tha shit i like to hear^^
tell thes motha fucka's wat we give for a damn peice of land
fuck tha government esp. tha president, stupid bitch, we supposed to be a peaceful country and HE declared war w/o holdin congress OR speakin to otha countries...

anyway, ur flow: that was some nice shit, i liked it, it was good as a story as well as a topic flow, u got open mic talent, hit ur head on a cloud, naomean?...

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<marquee>?</marquee>

that was sick^^^^^^^^ mos def