I didn't want for nobody to come down on me. I just wanted to post some shit and give me some constructive criticism.


The Murderer


Like the neck of a stranger wont even put up a fight
He's as blind as a rat whose been incarcerated out dated
Don't even now that I'm behind him wit a blade serated
I'm out to kill and I don't seem to know why
Alls I know is that tonight someone else has to die
I don't mean to be the Jeckyl and Hyde that I am I ran from the
person everybody thinks that I am
A desperate man I cant seize these feelins commin over me, it's KILLIN me
It's Tearin at me
Somebody HELP ME
I'm distraught, without thought
Calm and collective is sometin that I'm not
Here he comes, round the corner of the block
SOMEBODY STOP ME

I don't want to take this life
What if he has some kids and a wife, this shit aint right
I don't want to be the person I am
But it's to late I've just sent God another SOUL tonight

I never new that I would ever turn around like this
My mom was so good to me when I was a little kid
No one knows, It's not something instilled in you
It's just somethin that breaks inside and instantly snaps in you
Grabs at you
Your mind it laughs at you
Hold on a minute cause there's somethin that I have to do

I don't want to take this life
What if he has some kids and a wife, this shit aint right
I don't want to be the person I am
But it's to late I've just sent GOD another soul tonight

This is the last time I will have to worry bout this
Cause tonight I'm gonna fight to put an end to this senseless shit
Don't worry I'm not gonna take some more lifes
That's right I'm gonna take my own life tonight

Please GOD help me put an end to this life
I don't have nothin to worry about, got no kids got no wife
I never meant to be the person I am
So tell the man below he's got a new soul tonight

I guess when u come in here and aint got the flow at first none
of the Vets here want to check out the shit you work on and give you any feedback........Thats wack


Peace !!!!!!!!!

Uppin cause it's new and know one still checked this shit out............................................

Rhyming/Flow
Your Flow Was A Little Off, But For The Best Part It Was Average. I Think The First, Fifth n' Sixth Stanza's Were Good, Flowed O.k, Nothing Special Though....6/10

Vocab/Wordplay
The Vocab Was Lacking Here, You Need To Elevate On That, But I Liked These Bars:
"Like the neck of a stranger wont even put up a fight
He's as blind as a rat whose been incarcerated out dated
Don't even now that I'm behind him wit a blade serated" - Nice Start....7/10

Concept/Topic
A Nice Topic, You Gonna Be A Good StoryTeller When You Elevate. You PLayed This OUt pretty Well, Good Emotion Here, LInes LIke:
But it's to late I've just sent God another SOUL tonight - Really Showed Your Ability,You never Fell Off The Topic Either .. 8/10

Overall
7/10, NIce, Your Gonna Be Dope Here Soon, Just Keep At It And Elevate

Word!

yea bruv, buy a dictionary and learn a little philosophy and keep dropping, you'll get sick eventually. i agree with Ryhtmic, dem 1st lines wer da best.

^^^^^^..................i agree wit both...................keep ya head up dawg............keep at it and u'll get betta...............1ne

Thanks alot guys. I been here 2or 3 days and I think I'm startin to see my shit gettin a little better.
Thanks again.
Peace...........

Uppin !!!!!!!!!!!!
Please let me know if I'm elevatin

uppin...........

dark and i could here a bit of melody in your words.....I agree with everyone else your vocab was a little basic but i see the elevation already. nice piece keep working though. Another thing is you had decent emotion in this....something most emcees forget about....if you can't hear emotion in your words then how can you translate it through a mic? You can't it would be nearly impossible....keep at it as i said before...you're elevating eeryday.

Thanx Prophit...........
I been work my metas and my flows out a lttle more consciously....
Thanx for the feed.......
Peace....................

storytellin is a great field you need to brush up a lil but you got the potential to be great at this and that is a hell of a style to masterkeep elivaten this was a pretty good read just needs fine tuning

I'm workin on it, thanx for the feed.............

Peace.......

Just wanted some more feedback before I start battlin................


Peace................