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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-08-03, 08:31 PM
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#1
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-Real Time-
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Feelings.
IP: FDD6 AE15
Standing Alone In The Rain, Cant Think Of A Thing To Say..
Feelings Portrayed, Pointlessly Waiting From Day To Day.. Thoughts Rush, Then ..Nothing... Beauty Is Everlasting.. My Mind Blank, Knees Go Weak, Almost Seems Contrasting.. Almost Like The Unheard Screams ,From Undisturbed Dreams.. Though It May Shimmer & Gleam, Nothing Can Be As It Seems.. Wealthy In Mind, Poor In Spirit, Thoughts Will Desecrate.. At Certain Rates, Ongoing Debates, All To Find Soul-Mates.. Leaving You Irate, With Pent Up Emotions, Can You Relate?.. Clear Minds As You Await, The Most Uncertain of All Fates.. Do Kids Entertain Looks, Like Ingenious Exestentialists?.. Or Does Hatred Arise, Realizing Treason Like Swinging Fists?.. Will People Become More Shallow, With Each Day That'll Pass.. Half Full Or Half Empty, Or Just Another View Of The Glass?.. Her Thoughts And Looks Brings Hope ,My Heart Flips, Keeling.. Is It Wrong To Act A Certain Way, All Because Of A Feeling?.. |
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09-08-03, 11:28 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
feedback... ok... I liked it...
It sounded pretty deep, shit definitely had flow and good vocab, it was pretty short, but it ended well, it didn't just stop like if it was unfinished, I liked that... Keep on spitting man... Peace |
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09-09-03, 02:58 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
YOU DID A REAL GOOD PEACE HERE I LIKED IT BUT WAS SHORT STILL MAD PROPS
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09-09-03, 12:53 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 01A3 7C2E
props... nice flow, vocab...
wasnt too short but had a great ending. |
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09-09-03, 07:29 PM
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#5
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-Real Time-
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IP: FDD6 AE15
Up.
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09-09-03, 10:52 PM
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#7
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...
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IP: E9FE AA5A
^everyone in this thread needs to read Cam's "How to Reply" thread. hosers.
Dude, nice piece, could certainly see the emotion in it. The vocab was nicely used, but it disrupted the flow in a couple places. Quote:
that bar has perfect flow, decent vocab, and some deep ass metas. Your internal rhyming was off the hook. oh, and "Exestentialists" and "Swinging Fists" don't rhyme enough to flow. what else is there to say? great closer, leaves you with something to think on. Finally, a piece I can get something out of. good work dood peace out!
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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09-09-03, 11:05 PM
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#8
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: E56F 9533
shit this might just be a freepost
i dont have anything new to say... it came out good being that i saw it back when u 1st started it... the internal rhyming is off the hook and flow was way easy to follow... stay up kid *I'm gonna be better than you... get back to me in '09* |
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09-09-03, 11:19 PM
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#9
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one wink
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IP: AAF1 A3DB
"Though It May Shimmer & Gleam, Nothing Can Be As It Seems.."
Uh Huh Uh Huh. Yep, well Doc my procnosis is great line. "Will People Become More Shallow, With Each Day That'll Pass.." Sadly this line has relevence, (I mean its sad because we probably will). This was good, short, but when its text, keeping it short helps. You kept me in tune, I read it all at once, so that means I was interested, (and with text usually I I read a couple lines then do something else, and come back later, LoL), so the fact I read it all, thats good. Good work doogie, Keep it up, Thats WoRd. Peace, |
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