your red tinged curls slip smoothly throu my fingers
each one beautiful, spings with life, yet its only hair
your soft moistened lips give kisses so soft, with taste that lingers
i owe god every breath i inhale for sending me something so fair

the time i spend with you relaxes me in no way i've ever felt
i forget all my problems, all the shit, because i have gods greatest gift
your silky hands pass all over my body,calming me down,my insides melt
you make me feel good, thou times not so pleasent, rising my soul giving me lift

i dont know why you bother with me, why its my hand you decide to hold
im just glad you are more then a pretty face, your someone who does care
you show your love, i can feel your love, to my heart you are its mold
you hold me together when i should have fallen apart long ago if you werent there

i love what we have holding our two pulsing hearts so closly together
and remember im here for you to confide in, whatever its about
i relise that things so sweet may not stay so pure and bold forever
but no matter what ever happens i'll love you with my heart for all you've helped me out

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Beautiful piece...
loving the way u approached this...it gave it
more of an effect....
You explained ur self clearly n expressed ur self
so well...
I loved this

so the piece was good.
like the feeling was there and shit and premise was good and felt... i understand the topic exactly.
however the prose could use work. the rhymning pattern that you used didn't work for the last three stanzas adn took away from the poem.... it was distracting as though they were being forced so hard that the reader loses the purpose of line.
but it was a good effort.... anyway peace.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

i liked this a lot, it approached a topic wit a deeper sense than most people even think about it as, as for a poem, the A-B-A-B rhyme scheme was there but did not take away from poem in any way, u choose words that worked wit tha poem as well as tha rhymes...a real nice piece...

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<marquee>?</marquee>

this piece was nice...i liked it alot..nice imagery...as i read it i got a mental picture...good stuff

I actually didn't notice the rhyming. I was reading one line at a time.

Anyway, this really was a great peice. In the sense that, nobody breaks up, nobody dies, and no giant monsters from the sea reek havoc on Japan.

In other words, this was a heartwarming peice. The kind that makes a person feel good inside. That's what I loved about it. Peaceful and serene seemingly.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

thx for taking tha time to reply

yeah i noticed there wasnt to many pieces here that stayed happy all the way throu ( or didnt have giant monsters from the sea reek havoc on Japan.) so i decided to put a happy piece on display

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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naw the rhyme wasnt noticed cuz it was subtle

but there an good

nice piece i hope i can write like this sometime

great drop i gotta say my fav lines are-i dont know why you bother with me, why its my hand you decide to hold
im just glad you are more then a pretty face, your someone who does care

^^^ man i just met this kid and i already like him^^^

thx for the reply

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