Lessons start...

Potent Science


Why do people discriminate?

...

The options...

Feel threatened by different impressions that could be impressin
The rest of em goes to means without concession, start collectin
Investing in credibilty so stability is despensing into their life
Use extreme impolitness as projectiles condensing their sights
Now just seeing spite and hatrid just to hype themself up more
When the discriminaton was deplored there life was takin away
Makin a stray of someone in a path that only had different ways
Their ways was for their survival and there instincts was reliable
Historical times when group attacks was the only math appliable

Deficient knoweledge whether collsions will arise so they despise
No decision in them to realise that really there presence purifies
Living cuz there different cultures add diligent peace to others
There just brother that live amoungst us not the named vultures
Y'all poke at em...Who am i onna bout?
All those who are doubted to live about other who's different
Ignorance< that describes peoples vibes with prominent
The Minority aren't showing dominance cuz confidence is stole
Who is the majority in society to say they have preponerant role?
Involved in their communitys, the norm shouldn't have immunity
They have no clue to be

Different...But we all are

But then shouldn't all of us face Prejudice?

We're just parts of a function and differnce needs to be conjuction
To work in order maybe borders are a curse to divide consumption
Of this earth...

That's what we serve

DAjum



That was a nice piece, ..........damn hella nice vocab,....

The Minority aren't showing dominance cuz confidence is stole
Who is the majority in society to say they have preponerant role?

*Deep nice,


flow was tite.....nice structured.......({) <---LOL

Real nice drop, props to u ......

__________________
Fuck you

Although the topic of this piece was a bit clichè, there were a few ideas and lines that stood out - especially towards the end of the piece. . Conceptually, I usually do not feel these types of pieces, for they are just too easy to construct and, in turn, earn accolades. But, if they are put together in the perfect structure, they can earn some extremely positive renown. As for yours, it teetered on the edge of mediocrity and renown. The beginning of the piece was poorly constructed, in my opinion - almost so much so that I wanted to stop reading. It seemed as if some of the vocabulary used was out-of-place and almost incessantly strung together. Also, the rhyme scheme was all over the place, with internals being way too prevolent. My advice: don't waste your flow on a rhyme here or there; a consistent flow is always impressive and will earn you notice. For example:


The flow is so jumpy and hard to examine that the internals are overshadowed by it.

PERFECT line. The rhyme scheme is easy to see and the vocab. seems to fit its role.

Overall, the potential is there - keep working @ it. Post Open Mics daily, PM me - tell me to critique them if this helps. G'Luck!

__________________

O'kay i appreciate everything you said, and yes i did used to use a set rhyme scheme but i used to get replys the rhyme scheme was too noticable...

But your opinion iis far more valued than theirs...so thanx for the critisism...

o
N
e

Okey Dokey, I Didnt Read G.Hod's Post Cause I Hate Kids Feeding Off What The Other Guys Said, So This Is MY Opinion, JUst Telling You Before You Read. .

The topic to this piece was kinda blahzay, its been done over and over and that usually makes me not want to finish reading pieces, but i bared with this one. . Opening Nine [ Wtf? ] Lines Didnt really come in effective as they should have, the multi's were there, so were the internals, so your learning gradually, but they didnt seem to get into the topic too well and got a little off topic as i read it, this piece actually seemed to pick up nearer the end, "The Minority aren't showing dominance cuz confidence is stole
Who is the majority in society to say they have preponerant role?" - i liked that line, nicely worded, rolled off the tongue nicely, good writers voice shown there actually. Aside from that - Stop making the bullshit sub-headings / intervals in your pieces between verses, their just annoying, seriously!

Hahaha, all in all i liked this, didnt start off as good as id of liked, but towards the end you really picked it up, your flows came on a lot since the last piece i read, you have more internals and multi's now, thats kinda been your girft / curse becauise like.. on one hand your flow HAS improved, but on the other, your over-using them, and thats sacrificing your content for flow - something you shouldnt do, you need to adjust a little, and get that pefect balance between the two, it takes a while to perfect, but you have the basics down, you've obviously listened to what ive said and worked on it, basically - your doing good my man, keep practicing, take whats said to heart and instead of thinking their hating, consider ALL advice good advice.

The Potentials there, you just need the practice.

Eace-Pay!

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t