your mad cuz your livin as a fiend/
while im livin a dream/
or in ur livin room cookin a scheme/to rob you clean/
yall boys barely angry and im above the mean/
yes sir im better then average/
why you older but still i make them classics/
f***** with me will get you housed in caskets/
my measures are drastic/
there ain't shit i can't take/im not fake/
ill eat you like its breakfast for corn flakes/for heavens sake/
i told you it was in your best intrest to drop it/so stop it/
i see your mouth runnin but i will lock it/
and throw a way the key/its plain to see/
you small time son, im way to savey(saveee)/laugh with me/
while i laugh at thee/
it ain't big enought for you here, its barely(barleee)/big enough for me/

so outside like grown man we can disscuss/between us/
ill show you just how my right hand will concuss/
o no its about that time/for that rip me line/
you lifes a bigger tragedy then columbine/press rewind/
anytime/ you wanna get killed by a one of a kind/
ok its to and end, yes im finally done/
you ass has been chewed and branded by THEsun!

i'm not even gonna bother to read this, organize ur bars on different lines than im me and i'll check it, otherwise...

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Couldnt even finish tha 1st line but i caught sumthin... go ahead and uncensor ur stuff. I hate sein stars. But like AR said, organize ur barz. Peep my Boredom piece.

ITS EDITTED

aight, better...

liked these lines:

yes sir im better then average/
why you older but still i make them classics/
f***** with me will get you housed in caskets/
my measures are drastic/

had a "freestyle" feel of it...

keep droppin...

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yo im a ill slayer, ill decay and spray yo gurl im not the one you want to test put you scary ass ta rest cuz you cant fuck wit the best ill have you lokkin syco like pinerest now who said you can flow i dont know but ya soundin like a hoe tryin ta escape out the dow' slash yo hoe slash yo dome mouf shootin out fome split yo wig back so fast yo flesh leave up out you fast throw you off a mountain blood flyin out like a fountain countin when you hit the bottom of the mountan im stedy countin my nine stedy shoutin

if you can touch this diss hoola and ill be quick to dismiss

aiyo... kinda keep your bars even for structure, but dont give up your rhyme scheme...
another thing... when your text battling, cats wanna see some vocabulary and some well thought out bars... so just try to put more shit on one line... make it more complex...
this peice wasnt bad... but it could use some work...

checkk my peice called "whats yo deal girl??? (keystyle)"
peace homie,
A.T.

my niggaz alwayz stay strap wit gats ta spray yall fags flashin my flag be the one ta blow yo brainz up out the back i neva show lack i state the fact keep yo skull crackt leavin nothin but flesh in the back im too ill to chill so i kill my words sound like bodies choppin up in a wind mill my boyz trained ta kill walkin on the block wit my gloc ready ta pop when its cocked and locked yo body rocked and shotties poped but i come from a block wit straihgt shots and thugz carry rocks most definet love n it shit i dump clips ta make niggaz do ten flips and colapse they shit demelish they shit dawg im raw fuck a law ima G spray you til you cant see the best MC wraped in a sheet you cant speak cuz you fucked wita G ill slice the fuck out chyo mouf to yo throght so yo cant eat cut your heart out so you cant breath now yo whole bod startin to leak put you in a body bag and leave you dead now listen to what i said you dead go to yo mom house and leave a bomb on her bed or murder her instead leave a 8 inch knife in her head leave no evidence cuz im smokin blunts wit the presidents while im killin perdestirians my killer instinkz tell me to kill the nsycs im out this bitch - eclipse_one23