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Old 09-16-03, 04:08 PM   #1
R.V.A.
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A lil spit about a girl

IP: 06EF 4E9D

haha, just doing some shit, keystyled

You been trying to sleep but you're lying deep//
On your lining sheet ~ tryin to find a sheep//
To count but yo head keep creatin thoughts//
Of you under wraps making exhilirating awes//
When your pyhsically exhausted but ya minds aloftin'//
Seeing is believing ~ but dreams are often//
More pleasurable ~ when you have the full audacity//
To have an unmeasurable lifetime fantasy//
It's sad to see you missing out on what dreams are made of//
Girl take the stress of ya chest and lay off//
Close your eyes 'n ' let your imagination roll//
Sleep tight and "turn off da light" like Nelly Furtado//
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Old 09-16-03, 04:18 PM   #2
mr.iceman
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nice flow dog i was feelin the vocab nice drop my nigga

.................................................. .................................................. ............
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Old 09-16-03, 05:28 PM   #3
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thnx fo da props, 1
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Old 09-16-03, 06:34 PM   #4
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no problem my nigga could you do me a favor and vote on this battle?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79426
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Old 09-16-03, 06:39 PM   #5
Baron Mynd
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^ Lmmfao! Replying for votes is gay. .

This wasnt bad for a keystyle, strong flow, good use of internals and multi's, the topic had been worn out by now, many many times has it been done but still, you made this your own, a lot of emotion pent up but i always had the feeling you could of got it out better if you'd of worded each line slightly differently. Writers voice wasnt as strong as it needed to be to really carry this piece, vocab was there, wordplay in the last line was old though - i used a similar line almost a year ago when the single first came out, lol.

Short and to the point, there wasnt a lot here to criticise, try writing a longer, extended piece to a harder, original subject - that way we'll get to see what your capable of.

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Old 09-16-03, 10:44 PM   #6
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thnx but i dont like to make KEYSTYLES long, only songs, and besides i dont like reading long type shit
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Old 09-16-03, 11:06 PM   #7
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i only asked him to vote cause niggas are sleepin on my battle i would have replied to his flow anyway cause it was tight as fuck
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