My Mind Is My World, Or Whats Left Of It Anyways
Bottled Inside, With My Pride, For So Many Days
Let Me Weigh The Sun; Earth's Already On My Back
Seal Up My Inner Space; A Fortress You Can't Hack
Cut Me Some Slack, Or Just Give Me The Whole Rope
We Can Elope To The Heavens; They're My Sole Hope
My Soul Slopes Downward Into Insatiable Oblivion
12 Brothers Are Too Many; Round It Down To Simeon
Fly By My Face The Facts, They're Pressure Cracks
In Vision, Lacking Precision Because Of Cataracts
The Artifacts That Symbolize All That Is Outside
Space That Lies Beyond Where Boundaries Coincide
The Realm Of Humanity, Seemingly Cold And Distant
Hurtfulness Repells Off Shoes With Splash Resistants
Where They Mash Insistance, Turning Backs To God
And Everyone Else For That Matter; Poke And Prod
Their Morals, You'll Find It's The Same Old Story
"The Bible Is A Fable And Church Just Bores Me"
I Deplore Thee; Afore You Get Lost In Outer Space
Recede Into My Dimention; It's Life W/o Her Grace
I'll Admit, But It's Better Than Your Disapparating
Becoming One With Nothing; Certainly Accomodating
Light Will Just Abandon; Thought Is All That's Left
Are You Ready To Go Steady With A Fate Worse Than Death?

wErd?

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Before anything else..8 views 0 replies? wtf? *shakes head* Kids these days. Appreciation of writing is beyond at the back of their brains now. Thats horrible.

Alright....lets see. Your introduction assumingly that you were portraying about your mind being your outer space metaphorically speaking. Reviving how you trans-over the topic from actually talking about an outer space but very much an empty space waiting to be filled in. It was broken down to a massive metaphors that was fed up ur mind and kept it closed. But as i read further down..it seems to me that you were actually out there looking down to how the life people are living in their own ways nowadays.

"Let Me Weigh The Sun; Earth's Already On My Back"

^For me that was an awesome line and yet its true. I am really impressed on this line. I am not in particulary sure why but the meaning of it and how it was created was very much an excitement for me. I liked it. no no no. I loved it.

Your words are on to the point where you can really feel what you wanted to execute from the start.

"Light Will Just Abandon; Thought Is All That's Left
Are You Ready To Go Steady With A Fate Worse Than Death?"

^Finisher was actually the best part. Its always been. Of course the fact that being thrown out of space is defintely worst than death. Cuz out there is a neverending bottom. Youll just die of hunger thats for sure. BUt the fact still remains that you dont have to go to outer space to have that fate. The world see it through a mirror. It can happen...and yet..u can avoid it.

Great piece man.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

^ I love you.

Girl always has replies like that, she never posts without breaking it down. .
Anyways, nice piece nucca, flowed pretty nicely as i read it, i see you got the internals in there a lot more now, thats good, but try to make them internal-multi's - that way their waaaaay more effective, good use of multi's, nice wording, i liked your take on the topic - it was a little short but ehhh, it was pre-season so i can see why you didnt try too hard. Werd to the sun line, that was a standout, i liked that a lot, all in all not a bad drop.

You tickled the sloth, nucca!

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

Nice Nice Nice piece.

Your flow to me was your shining point. Also, your vocabulary also shined here, but at alot of points, you seem to fall off.

Their Morals, You'll Find It's The Same Old Story
"The Bible Is A Fable And Church Just Bores Me"
I Deplore Thee; Afore You Get Lost In Outer Space
Recede Into My Dimention; It's Life W/o Her Grace


I loved these lines, ^
There was nice imagery here and there, but I couldn't get a complete picture of what you were saying, and i was confused at some points. It wasn't common, but it was there at some points. This was a good piece, had a little bit of everything needed. Peace

__________________
Pro.Fess.In.All
and that...is cool.

flow was very good cam sed it pretty much
overall liked the concept and the originality
some standout lines which ill quote....

'My Mind Is My World, Or Whats Left Of It Anyways
Bottled Inside, With My Pride, For So Many Days
Let Me Weigh The Sun; Earth's Already On My Back
Seal Up My Inner Space; A Fortress You Can't Hack
^the flow of it really made it dope.liked the imagery right there

the rope line was nice too
the end really made a point as well...good way to finish it
vocabulary was very good...no wife strife life shit
u might call it werd..