ok this is somethin i just keyed up... i got alot of shit goin on... so i'd really appreciate some good feedback on this to tell me if somethin sounds weird or whatever... have fun,,, hope you all like it

In this modern day world, it’s not ok for a man to cry
But I want to ask why, because sometimes my emotions fly
Sometimes I'm off the handle, sometimes I just go crazy
But they say it’s not ok, people never seem to amaze me
How can they hold it in, and pretend they aren’t there
How can they look at the person they love, and act like they don’t care?
I just want to grab them and yell "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"
It doesn’t matter what girl you get with, because it’s really your life you’re screwing
And your life is like virginity, you only have it once
But for me it’s like a joke that will never have a punch
Because it’s not funny, it’s not supposed to be
This is reality, your not invincible; you could be the next fatality
You have no morality, that is what I been told
But now I'm all alone, and I found that this earth is cold
And you got to be bold, make all your statements clear
Make sure you get them across, make them listen not just hear
Make sure it doesn’t go in and out the other ear
Make sure you have no fear, when fate slaps you in the face
You have to be a man, and just set your own pace
Because life is a race, that everyone is trying to finish
But slowly towards the end, they all start to diminish
All the people you thought were always there
But you soon come to find that they never really cared
They just wanted a free ride, to be a monkey on your back
You used to be favored, but now the odds are all stacked against you
Life gets chopped like gensu, thrown in a bag and lost
Suddenly life passes you by, and you’re left in the exhaust



Edit* i put it in word and spell checked it... felt like it would have more of an impact if it was proper... i dunno

god damn i see you all in here.... i reply to everyones shit... but my shit still gets slept on wtf.... i hate this shit

pretty good drop. it was kinda deep and real. i was feelin it. nice shit. maybe youll learn how to use ur mic soon n stop writin poems biatch!

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HE GOT A POINT THIS NEEDS TO BE AUDIO YOU HAVE A GREAT TALENT THAT AUDIO CAN ONLY AMPLIFY......THIS WAS A GOOD READ FELT VERY REAL AND RELATABLE.

^^^thx... my mic is broken or i would have made this an audio... wrote it to a beat.

thx everyone.... uppin for some more feedback

good p[eice...good emotion..and i liked the topic..wordplay was pretty good i could really catch ya flow it was a great read..nice ta hear it in audio...1

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

^^^^thx man.... uppin is there anything that would could help me make this a better peice???

nice emotional piece, i liked it a lot,

i liked this bit in particular
And your life is like virginity, you only have it once
But for me it’s like a joke that will never have a punch
Because it’s not funny, it’s not supposed to be
This is reality, your not invincible; you could be the next fatality
You have no morality, that is what I been told
But now I'm all alone, and I found that this earth is cold

you should join the omens, we got wordperfect and king of thieves too, its a mostly open mic crew

Was a good piece. Although, it looked kinda like you strayed from the topic as it got towards the end. You started out talking about emotions then kinda went towards living life to the fullest and making sure people hear you. Didn't really take away from what you had. Just though I'd point it out. Pretty dope writing though. I liked it.