Verse #1: (written by Gene Pool)
I got, the grim reaper swingin his scythe, ready ta end my life/
no reason to put up a fight, just give into the darkness of the night/
suicidal tendencies got my grippin tight, this 9 mil, just put an end cuz life ain’t no thrill/
cuz we just another tax payer, layin out the bills, paining out the work in mills/
this is how I always feel! So just let me fulfill! The dream, I keep havin every time I sleep/
the one where I can’t eat, I starve, cuz I’m put behind bars, left with my mind scarred/
that are 6 feet large, that I’m put 6 deep beneath ppl’s feet, left to rest in piece/
but I’m shocked locked, from this shot, got me rocked, cuz I just hot boxed/
on the spot, popped back 22 caps, now I’m actin all out of wack/
then suddenly flashback, from day one, from a father straight down to when I used to be a son/
always livin life on the run, never lookin back, not even for fun, but now my time is done/
cuz the drugs got me lookin down a gun, and the last thing I remember, was twitchin my itchy trigga finga/

Verse #2: (written by Masta C)
Sometimes I just wanna grab the gun and pull-it, just to send a bullet, straight into my brain..
And feel it go through my skull, and feel my body fall, just so I can end all this pain..
Cause the pain I have is just too much, and I honestly don’t give a fuck, cause im torn..
And I don’t think I can take to much more, and the pain pours, and all I can do is mourn..
Everyday I think about ending-my-life, and im done pretending-to-fight, cause I had enough..
These thoughts on my mind, all the time, will it be a crime?, cause I know im not tough..
The days go long, and I feel all wrong, and everyday ending this life seems brighter..
Cause death is all I send, now I cant even defend, cause now im not a fighter..
All everyone does is push-me-around, cause im the pussy-now, and im a-bout-done..
Theres just no meaning, cause everyones screaming, fuck the nine im using a-shot-gun..
I just had enough, and everythings just too rough, and I cant take-it…
This take time, but with these things in my mind, I know im not gonna make-it…

__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

Yeah a new peice by us, leave us some feedback on this, much appreciated, thanks.

[b[I got, the grim reaper swingin his scythe, ready ta end my life/
no reason to put up a fight, just give into the darkness of the night/[/b]

nice internals but darkness of the night was decent attempt at imagry

suicidal tendencies got my grippin tight, this 9 mil, just put an end cuz life ain’t no thrill/
cuz we just another tax payer, layin out the bills, paining out the work in mills/

2nd line looked like it was just filler...

this is how I always feel! So just let me fulfill! The dream, I keep havin every time I sleep/
the one where I can’t eat, I starve, cuz I’m put behind bars, left with my mind scarred/

fulfill didnt rhyme with anything... the rest was nice imagry

that are 6 feet large, that I’m put 6 deep beneath ppl’s feet, left to rest in piece/
but I’m shocked locked, from this shot, got me rocked, cuz I just hot boxed/

looks like you tried more for rhymes than for topic on these 2

on the spot, popped back 22 caps, now I’m actin all out of wack/
then suddenly flashback, from day one, from a father straight down to when I used to be a son/

good internals im trying to see where you go with this

always livin life on the run, never lookin back, not even for fun, but now my time is done/
cuz the drugs got me lookin down a gun, and the last thing I remember, was twitchin my itchy trigga finga/

nice way to end it.. good job 7/10

Sometimes I just wanna grab the gun and pull-it, just to send a bullet, straight into my brain..
And feel it go through my skull, and feel my body fall, just so I can end all this pain..

nice imagry... good use of internals/multis

Cause the pain I have is just too much, and I honestly don’t give a fuck, cause im torn..
And I don’t think I can take to much more, and the pain pours, and all I can do is mourn..

dont use 'pain' so much... makes you sound redundant

Everyday I think about ending-my-life, and im done pretending-to-fight, cause I had enough..
These thoughts on my mind, all the time, will it be a crime?, cause I know im not tough..

the use of the hypens in the 1st line made me think you would do it in the 2nd

The days go long, and I feel all wrong, and everyday ending this life seems brighter..
Cause death is all I send, now I cant even defend, cause now im not a fighter..

good lines

All everyone does is push-me-around, cause im the pussy-now, and im a-bout-done..
Theres just no meaning, cause everyones screaming, fuck the nine im using a-shot-gun..
I just had enough, and everythings just too rough, and I cant take-it…
This take time, but with these things in my mind, I know im not gonna make-it…

i got tired of line by line... rest was good 7/10

great job guys

"this is how I always feel! So just let me fulfill! The dream, I keep havin every time I sleep/
the one where I can’t eat, I starve, cuz I’m put behind bars, left with my mind scarred/
that are 6 feet large, that I’m put 6 deep beneath ppl’s feet, left to rest in piece/
but I’m shocked locked, from this shot, got me rocked, cuz I just hot boxed/"---gene pool

^^^ really the only part of your rhyme i was really feelin. You had some nice word play and your content was pretty dope. Your imagry was tiight. pretty nice drop


"Everyday I think about ending-my-life, and im done pretending-to-fight, cause I had enough..
These thoughts on my mind, all the time, will it be a crime?, cause I know im not tough..
The days go long, and I feel all wrong, and everyday ending this life seems brighter..
Cause death is all I send, now I cant even defend, cause now im not a fighter.."---masta c

^^^ very nice...i was feelin these bars right here for sure. nice word play and your rhyme sceme was tiight...good drop


* All in all a very nice post yall.....was well worth a peep. Keep doing yall thing and keep elivate'n nah mean.....be easy,1

__________________
*R.I.P*
Jimmy L. , Louis L. , Aj R. , Tyler R. , Chris R., Dan W. , Matt F.......
" You all will never be forgotten and your spirits live within us all!!! R.I.P*"


" So for the 2nd time [The Pharisses] summoned the man who had been blind and said
"Speak the truth before God. We know this man is a sinner."
"Wether he is a sinner I do not know."
:The man replied:
"All I know is this...Once I was blind and now I can see"
John 1x 24-26

thanx for the feedback guys lookin for some more.

__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

Hey thanks for the feedback, Keep it coming, much appreciated, thanks.

uppin this for some more feedback. thanx in advance ppl.

__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

upppping this for some more feedback, if you check this out leave us some feedback its much appreciated, thanks.

Well I don't know..it was all pretty good i guess..you all need to work on some more structure and beat. I've soon better..but I have seen worse. Just keep copying it from the professional artists..and you'll be fine.. Build off of what has already been established..! Aight..PEACE OUT!.........

Hey man thanks for the feedback, keep it coming, much appreciated, thanks.

nice shit tho, seems more of the mind of a goth.........but.......its straight, when im down i jes light one up...........

good shit tho

thanx for the feedback peeps keep it comin.

__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

Hey man thanks for the feedback, keep the feedback coming, its much appreciated, thanks.

Upppping this for some more feedback, if you check this out leave some feedback for us, its much appreciated, thanks.