Aight yall this is my first song, so tell me whatcha think..check it...

Verse 1:
You can say what u please but in the end it boils down to me/
Im the one who stole his house keys and now im back where i should be/
i opened the door pulled out a ruger and sent one to his core/
through his flesh it tore, but i couldnt stop there i wanted more/
i sent eight more bullets through him, hes the one who fucked so screw him/
i cant believe i knew him, but he deserved all these bullets comin to him/
hes the one who pointed a gun at my sister, thank God she was fast otherwise he might have hit her/
but yet he ran up and did her, now im back in hell cause im the ultimate sinner/

Hook:
back in hell for the first time/
i killed a guy so ill serve mine/
even though he wasnt worth a dime/
thats what he gets for doin that crime/

Verse 2:
what the fuck was wrong with this cat, i swear i never wanted to do that/
but he had to find my sister and pull out that gat, and what did he expect, id pull out a bat?/
why the fuck was he tormenting my family, he went to far so i snapped on this G/
now im back in hell so damn me, cause im with Satan and facin my true reality/
while it may not be the real hell it was still hard to find light, there was no day, it was always night/
it seemed like everyday was a new fight, am i really the only person who thought i was right/
the only thing worse is hell, i never would have thought id be stuck in this cell/
this is my new life, no chance for bail, u want more insite in my life, welcome to jail/

Hook:
Back in hell for the first time/
i killed a guy so Ill serve mine/
even though he wasnt worth a dime/
thats what he gets for doin that crime/

Verse 3:
even though i did kill this G, i still had one visitor come and see me/
i had never met this lady, but i had a feelin she was here to save me/
she started askin more questions about that guy, so i told her everything without a lie/
her eyes filled with tears, she was about to cry, so i stared back without a sigh/
i begged her to tell me y she had come, she looked back like i was totally dumb/
her mouth was shaky, i thought she had gum, she said i had destroyed his family and asked if my family wanted some/
she said that he had never wanted to fight, she then said she had been his wife/
she pulled out a gun and i was startin to see the light, she pulled the trigger and ended my life/

Hook:
back in hell for the first time/
i killed a guy so ill serve mine/
even though he wasnt worth a dime/
thats what he gets for doin that crime/

peace.....

yo quit sleepin on this yall, cmon just give me some feedback

peace.....

yo dawg, my 2 cents... lol

check it...

Ya hook was awsome man, it had my head bangin, it was nice... i'll tell you that, kinda catchy... the storyline was straight! you kept it on topic and didn't bounce off once... the flow was aiight... it sounded more audio than text... you need to hook this up with an audio... therefore i could collab witcha on that one... your creativity points went up... not something usual... nice...

keep spittin, i liked this, don't do it in TEXT man, this was MADE for audio!

I LIKED THIS I FELT IT AND COULD FALLOW IT MENTALLY GREAT DROP AND I WOULD LIKE TO COLLAB SOMETIME

This was a good peice, i liked reading it, you had good flow and the hook was nice also, you had some good multies try using some more, it was a good peice, keep dropping.

this was a good peice, its wot i needed ive been looking through them for an hour and this is the first decent one i come across, was startin to get bored...................dawg

good vocab ,some aight multis and was feelin ya flo

keep this shit gion.........................PEACE

da only thing i would say is some of your lines are a bit stretched aight

nice peice, good wordplay and allright multis i ususaly get half way through a verse and stop cuz its boring but this one had my interest asll the way through props man

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Corrupted Visions

^^^thanx for postin yall, still uppin

yo cmon yall, this post has 42 views, but yet only 7 posts. i just want some feedback so please hit this up if u read it.

You replied to my post, cross referenced to boast?
Lets toast, to the song with the most potential
Its inflential
but lyrics that your spittin, its not my style: it'all written
but u're hittin where you need to hit
verse topics that always fit
nice shit,
Now you gotta spit it verbal
take some tokes, blunted herbal
Make sure though, that you don't let it go
you got talent bro..

yo that was a hott drop like the hole thing as a whole but some parts need work good flow and vocab need more punches and shit and shit but good drop -1-

this piece was ill, good vocab,average multis,nice rhyme scheme,tight topic,kinda choppy flow but other than that it was tight,keep droppin.~1~

aiyo///
your structure was good and your flow was on...
your vocab lagged a lil, but its cool, you made up
for it on your wordplay... overall this was a nice peice...
just try puttin a lil more content in on your lines...
keep droppin mang,....
A.T.

that was a nice verse, i'd go on about multis an shit but i dont hav a clue wat they r........

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