...another futile attempt at elevation....logically or not...

without rhythm
without flow
with out love for this poem
or the next
losing ground on a personality
not schitzo
juss tired of...this
trying hard to be nice
but i continue to be a maintained
evil
growing cold with the warmth
that slowly engulfs everything
around me
making things easy
for them
getting harder on me
so i let go
hands lose grip of the pen
against my will
edge off the keyboard
for their sake
...
....
without rhythm without flow without love for this poem or the next so i let go they ungraciously tell me to ease off dont worry if they resort to pain doesnt bother me does that make it a fetish but free will doesnt make me free cus we can will as far as they let us why am i controlled by whom ill never kno nor want or so i presume

iight

this was short but yet has some many hidden messages, some stronger then others that it makes you sit and think and think some more, and i love poems that have that effect, it seems like when you started this one it was for a pointless cause or to just get stuff out that wasnt there, and you dont know why you started, its a piece that you have to read into and i liked it.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

I agree...This poem was kinda deep and i liked it. You have to really get into reading it to understand. I really liked it and it kinda draws you in. Nice drop...

peAce

wack style, new people need to learn there shit, but this is how ya start, i would break it down but your style really doesnt agree with it, its an ok read plentry of room for elevation... it could use ALOT more structure and complexity, vocab wasnt even there, the flow sucked, topic was scattered, didnt stay with the reader, a piece should catch the reader in the first line and pull them in till the last word. this needs more work but keep dropin and keep elevating...

^ lol...no rhythm no flow.......thas the point...no matter wut i drop i have structure issues....so i juss let go on structure....an good job if u actually found a topic for me to scatter.....but thanx fa tha words...

i see now what you mean, usually people have emotion problems, i suggest reading other peoples shit and writing more and your structure problem should be somewhat fixed... but its a good idea to let it go, actually a good writer lets all topics go and just writes


doesnt have to make sense in the begining but it forms into something, and itll come naturally, i suggest just to start writing, and always write what you know...



..resp..

^poetry doesn't need structure........it's more of an art form.....the message holds more weight than the way its presented......elevate.....lol........

growing cold with the warmth
that slowly engulfs everything
around me

i like this part the most.............it jumped out at me......i had to reread it a couple of times but i got your message......

free will doesnt make me free cus we can will as far as they let us

i like how you switched styles and this is as true as it gets.......really deep thought here......freedom is only a state of mind........true freedom in essence can never be attained.....i disagree with parts of this........but definently not all.....nice drop..

respect....

yuo kno modestly im realyl beggingin to like you

you give decent replies
your a decent poet
and your personality isnt like
IM GONNA TAKE THIS ISH OVA YA HEARD!)

your a nice lil guy id like to say and i appreciate you taking your time and spending it with us in the poetry room

persoanl thanks from hazy

now on to your poem no rythm no flow

those to elements arnt nceesarily neede din poetry
and if they where id say ryhthm is needed over flow


teh evil maintanied line doesnt really fit with teh peice

i felt this was an original peice but i also feel you wernt ready to post it up perhps rushed it? this peice had potential to be better
its up to you if you want to take it there

hazy