sharp glistening nails
long slim fingers
two uneven dimples
a strawberry scent that lingers

long full lashes
thin pale lips
small painted toes
curvey female hips

smooth shaven legs
streaked red hair
sun kissed skin
a beautiful body bare

yet a stomach slowly growing
alittle more each day
althought she may be gorgeous
cant you hear what she has to say!

she isnt very strong
look past her pretty face
she trys to please everyone
thou it hurts to move at your pace!

she said she wasnt ready
she said she wasnt sure
this time she spoke up
but her comments you ignored

you used her for your pleasure
you told her hurtful lies
you left her by herself
used and trashed to die!

your eyes only saw her beauty
never heard what she had to say
now shes found stiff and cold
two souls YOU killed today!

rather a personal piece, written more to get pictures and feeling out, but still looking to what you have to say

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interesting.....where do i begin the lines were short but made sence can open a persons eyes...i can see what point you tried to get to and i enjoyed it it was to the point and i think that, that aspect can get attention keep writing..

Pe@ZE

*dream big and Swim free*

What I find amazing here is how well you described me. Y'know... except for the dirty nails, the knotty fingers, the lack of deoderant scent, the stubby lashes, the fat pink lips, the incredibly long toes, the squared hips, the hairy legs, the afro hair, the computer screen light kissed skin, and the clothes.

Huh... In retrospect I guess you didn't describe me at all. Just what I wished I look liked.



And then comes the part of seriosnissity. I mean, you sure know how to bring someone down. But only becaue it's depressing.

You never mentioned in this peice what actually happened in so many words. Which is to say you never actually straight out said the word rape. But I can tell that is what happened. And the pregnancy I'm assuming was in it. And then both her and her child dying.

I can only assume you were the 'her' in this peice, and that is why it is personal. Or maybe the child, or maybe the guy. Either way your peice was still felt and it was touching. Touching in a sort of "how can anyone be so heartless?" sort of way.

I dunno what else to say. I'm just not down with rape. Maybe if it was consensual, y'know like role-playing. But the only role playing I'm down with involves video games or dice.

Since I dunno what else to say, I'll shut up.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

iight

first thx for the replys both

second i can see where you get the idea from, seeing as i left it more of a you fill it in with your own thoughts, and everyone usualy ends up in their mind with a slightly different story

but to me this wasnt written as rape, it was more a long the lines, of this girl having a bf, and he was only her bf coz he liked the way she looked, he never understood her, never tryed to help her out with any thing, didnt listen to her, just looked. and she could say anything to him, especialy break up with him, she loved him, and when he wanted her to show him how much she loved him for once she did speak up against him, but he peer pressured her into sleeping with him.

and yes parts of this represtened by my life, except when i wrote out what she looked like, thats not really what i find i look like, but the rest is and thats why it was personal, and i wasnt raped just to clear things up

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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where do I start, i understood this perfectly. It takes something like this to truly move me. I got out of it that he was with her for her physical beauty and not her beauty within. very very nice peace. With much respect

hmmmmm.......i liked the format it helped to get what you had to say out.......too often people are just shallow....sometimes its hard to realize beauty is only skin deep.....i didn't think this was about you sounded more like a suicide piece towards the end.....i like too how the pace quickened as the emotion built made for a really nice read......and i'll listen...j/k...keep doing ya thang ma

I like it alot. the ending surprised me i think it is very good, it touches ppl on a personal level. intersting topic.i liked it

thx all for the replies

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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i think you would definently connect with smooth jt's piece "a woman" the same sort of theme was there......this was a nice storytelling piece....it sucked me in......i don't think it was about rape perse........in fact i think it focused on a real problem our generation is having.......pressure to have sex to young and the problems that come with it.......from your words i take it the young lady became pregnant........a good follow up could take us through what kind of life decisions would arise from such a birth...
hit me up and check your pm's we need to collab pronto......

respect...

this was a very concious peice i thought...your wordplay was incredible how you worded everything, i liekd it...i could really feel it an bounce..na'mean...good drop man...check myn out...lates

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

iight

thx all for the replys first off

and second prophiit the reason that this here would connect with jt's piece, was coz after he read this it inspired his piece

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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wow just wow... this was definitely a tight piece... just the way you described both the way you looked on the outside and the way you really felt on the inside. You kept my interest from the very first line becuz you just kept it real. Nice drop, fo sure.
Keep dropping,

resp

uppin again

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