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10-01-03, 08:52 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Untittled
IP: 9F97 1DD3
I dont know what to call this one...Tell me what you think please ...
Copywright © 2003 Samantha Jones Ten empty beer cans sit upon the table he wants to stand but isnt able Nine alf-smoked roaches lying in the ashtray This has became his life everyday Eight hours just starring into blank space seeing nothing before his eyes but her face Seven unsmoked ciggerettes left in the pack Regretting what happened, wanting to go back Six more days will make the seperation a week his lips tremble too bad, he cannot speak Five more minutes before he breaks down and starts to cry again Wondering what she is doing, and where shes been Four times he has put the loaded gun up to his head closing his eyes, then opening them, hes still not dead Three times he has tried to forget the thought of her only making it worse, turning his vision to a blur Two lonely hearts, torn so far apart crying alone for the other half of his heart One lonely love-sick guy Left alone in the world to cry I was just bored when this was done..its not about anyone I know or anything..please critique peAce |
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10-03-03, 01:39 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: FAE4 26F7
I was definitly feeling this peice. I sorta imagined the instrumentals to the Atmosphere song LoveLife behind it with Slug rapping it. Somehow it works in my head.
Anyway, this had a lot of creativity for a bored peice. I mean, the ten to one number system was not just inventive, but it was completly undisruptive. It worked, totally flawlessly. Doesn't get much better then that, seriously. ~Shalom~ |
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10-03-03, 01:53 AM | #3 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
Yeah this was a pretty good piece, it made a nice read, it flowed pretty well together, i was feeling this pretty good, the structure was good as well, overall it was a good piece i thought, keep up the good work.
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10-05-03, 10:59 AM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 6E17 2AE3
Thanks for the feedback...I should be postin' some more soon...
peAce |
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10-05-03, 11:04 AM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: E31C 355F
hey that was good writing girlfriend, keep postin, will you pleez check out mine,
Rape. i was really feeling that verse, i liked how you used numbers often to give effect...dunno if that was deliberate. peep this http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=83624 and this http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=83290 thank you. vote honestly.no d/r crew or hate votes. RESPECT |
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10-05-03, 11:31 AM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: E665 BBA2
Alright, thanks for the feedback on my shit yo...I voted for one of your battles..and I did it honestly. I thought you were better than the other one. So I voted you...
peAce |
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10-05-03, 11:34 AM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: E31C 355F
hey thanx gurl,my battle with NeCrId has been open for like ever, didnt think it'll ever end like. Have you read 'Rape'? tell me what you think if you have. I'll be readin your rhymes in future, you write good stuff.
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10-05-03, 11:41 AM | #8 | ||||||
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IP: E665 BBA2
Thanks chica, I just got done reading 'Rape' and I posted on it. Thats a terrible thing and I know what shes going through...
peAce |
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10-05-03, 11:44 AM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: E31C 355F
he thanx...check your pms. i left you my addy so we can chat more. uppin on this peice peepz.
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10-05-03, 11:46 AM | #10 | ||||||
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IP: E665 BBA2
Alrighty.
peAce |
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10-05-03, 12:07 PM | #11 | ||||||
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IP: E31C 355F
EH HEH!!!!!!!!!!
LOL |
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10-05-03, 01:23 PM | #12 | ||||||
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IP: FCFD 63E9
LoL
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10-05-03, 01:28 PM | #13 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: B5AC D2E1
nice piece girl. i didnt realize tha numbers till 6, smart rhyme. erm i duno wotta call it '10-1' lol i duno wot u wanna call it?
keep it up peace ~roX~
__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas |
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10-05-03, 01:30 PM | #14 | ||||||
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IP: FCFD 63E9
Lol I dunno what to call it either...I was thinking about "reasons to cry" or sumthin..The number were just sumthin creative i guess..lol..Im still thinking on the name of it...Anyway thanks for the reply on it...
peAce |
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10-07-03, 02:33 AM | #15 | |||||||
..terror walks again..
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IP: 2919 4AA2
i dont understand this peice is active but sum itty bitty closed ya 4:20 peice. im confused, but whos Samantha Jones????
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the one that watches the watchmen: |
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