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10-04-03, 07:02 PM | #1 | |||||||
Flyweight
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Cold Winter Storm
IP: C1DA C961
[size=large][color=royal blue]Sometimes I sit and ponder this,
One fist opens to a hand which grabs a hand and together we can... Hold tight against the cold winter storm, torn from one household and another... Whose brother lead us here? Whose mother shead those tears, that brought use here. Was it that fear of dieing so near to joy... a toy.. was the last image in my mind, that day of Christmas time... Sublime I thought that day to be, But only me, was I so wrong... Couldn't I have been strong, standing tall against those cold winds, freezing my cheekd, my lips, and chin... Is this the end, starting the day I was born, or is it just another, cold winter storm[/size][/color]
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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10-04-03, 07:33 PM | #2 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: C1DA C961
Lady Wun..thank you for being one of the few
that followed the rules and replies to others in this forum befor posting your own...thats appreciated by the mods and the people who post in here..now for your poem here.... I got many different vibes from reading this and if im right and if this was purposely done it was done well Lady Wun crossing paths with someone that you really connect with* rambling about your motivation or reason that your here* and then somewhat..paying respects to those there for you* I think thats what you were writing/mixing together... if im wrong I appologize...poetry gives many different meanings which is the wonderful thing about it and I thougt this was a short decent first piece... la paz Last edited by Content : 10-04-03 at 07:35 PM. |
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10-05-03, 12:19 AM | #3 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
This is a great piece LadyWun, I love the double line rhyme, really kept the flow going. I may be totally off base here as I sense the intimacy of the piece, but I couldnt help but get a Hansel and Gretel feel out of it. Not to say its like a nursery rhyme, but more about the bond of siblings against 'the World' as it may.. I have a sneaky impression that I get this vibe only because I once wrote a somewhat adult take off on the Hansel and Gretel rhyme, and some of the lines in this are so similar to mine.
Most likely, thats whats influencing my train of thought I feel like toward the end of the poem you are confronting your own fear of having let someone down.. Gave me the feeling of this being a very personal piece. All in all LadyWun, a really nice read...great imagery and flow.. Thanks. Kudos~
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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10-05-03, 01:30 AM | #4 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 9C1E 2B43
Yeah i agree this was a pretty good piece, i was feeling the meanin go this as i read through it, i like the way you structured it, it was real good, overall i thought this was a good piece, it was written real good, keep up the good work.
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10-05-03, 05:45 PM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 9127 5371
This was a real nice piece. I liked the flow..Really good drop..and I noticed your new here..so welcome to R&B lol...keep postin'
peAce |
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10-08-03, 10:22 AM | #6 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 399E F0FD
I have been coming to RB on and off for 3 years .... lol
But I haven't been back in quite a while, thank you very much for all the compliments. Content you had it coming close but tourniquet had it right on the mark.
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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10-08-03, 09:13 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: ECC6 D462
Intriguing. Intriguing in the sense that you seemed to mix the simple with the slightly more complex. I dunno, like it was there to be dug into but with a simple 'cover'.
The ending was very well executed. Beautiful even. ...resp... |
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10-08-03, 11:09 PM | #8 | ||||||||
Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: C1DA C961
Quote:
actually if u check the rules thread it says that u just have to have one post a day, u dont have to reply a certain amount, but i dont blame u for being misinformed...The piece was good, simple but it hit well and it was easy to understand, a good drop overall, 1luv. |
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10-10-03, 01:06 PM | #9 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 399E F0FD
Thank you all very much. I just like to read others poems and
help them. In all the years I have been writing I have met some cool people and they all gave advice that counted to me.
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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