__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

In..

Word undy..

How many lines you planning on going a2z?

ill probley go 20-30

ps...check in

A Taste Of Your Own Medicine

Corrupting minds, never cared or worried of Consequence,
and I decided to live life out loud not on written documents.
A living lie, if I was ever a nice guy, it was one day of a kind,
stealing and bullying was a pleasure that I want to mastermind.
Target the innocent or the ones who have degrated myself,
value what you have now, cus the life I live lacks the wealth.
Hopes shelfed, cant be removed, Ive cause so much disrupt,
cant give up a habit I love, that cant come to a stop so abrupt.
Burning bridges as I go, made enemies with people I didnt know,
never mended, I had the needle but didnt have the intent to sew.
Things do change in time, people ignore me or start to fight back,
I did have the power over many, but intellegence is what I lack.
Started being pushed around, teased, and mentally discouraged,
didnt think I was this harsh but teasing was only the nice version.
Remembering times I destoryed peoples lives, set on an attack,
thought I left those many behind, but then the past came back.
Felt like rage was built up in a pile of people to haunt my being,
then saw the one I loved against me, rejected what I was seeing.
Never felt this way before, turned on, betrayed, heart crushed,
the lives corrupt, all of it is my doing with all the lies ive stuffed.
But I feel forgiveness, seeing all the peoples lives ive indented in,
its known now, cus finally Ive gotten a taste of my own medicine!

A Deep Hatred Grew Through A Young Boy, Maybe Two
Of All That Were Deemed Unfit, Niggers And The Jews
Gays And Vagabonds, None Were Seen As Important
Neither Was Their Quarters, Within Days Were All Deported
And Sent To Their Resting Place, Osterrich Or Bustkow
Sun Up Till Sun Down, A Misery Of Hell That Cant Be Felt Now
Surgery Deprived Of Anesthia, Screams As Doctors Seen How
Much Pain Could Be Handled, Before Frail Hearts Gave Out
The Name Now, A Shiver Through The Spine Of Time
Never Witnessing So Much Death, Such Cold Blooded Genocide
So Many Hearts Now Cry, For Souls Taken Far To Soon
But Seen As An Idol Of Sorts...Skin Heads Will Bllom Soon
The Klu Klan, Ignorant Folks For Power Of The White Man
All Enthralled By One Man, And By All That It Wields In Its Hand
Swinging The Axe Of Racism, A Disease Plagueing Clean Land
Causing The World To Turn On it Axis, Begin To Turn On Friends


But Now Adolf Hitler Lays In A Bunker, Surrounded By Angry Men
Each One Armed With Guns, Wishing It Could Be Them
To Be The One Who Puts This Bitter Life To Its Final End
Bittersweet Is Defeat, A Dose Of His Own Medicine
Slowly He Draws Himslef Full, Kill His Wife And Kids
Kills The Guards With Him...There Shall Be No Witnesses
He Flashes Back To His Life, Abusive Father, Mother A Whore
About The Aching Pang Of Hunger, Even Soliders Cant Ignore
He Breathes In Deep, Sheds A Tear, Got Up And Locked The Door
The Whole World Stood Up And Cheered, But Hitler Hit The Floor

Good work, both verses are up so let the voting begin .

this is queer uppin this in a league............................................ ....................

My breakdown
Flo- Tie
Structure - Tie
Imagery - A2Z
Metaphors - Faze
Vocab - A2Z
More interesting read - A2Z

Both came pretty nice, faze had nice flo and sum good metaphors
"Burning bridges as I go, made enemies with people I didnt know,
never mended, I had the needle but didnt have the intent to sew."

but faze's story was overall pretty basic vocab and acton wise he didnt cut where to the action was which would of made it all the more interesting

A2Z had with more gripping imagery that generated more interest with me by staying mostly in the present and he kept the action up

"But Now Adolf Hitler Lays In A Bunker, Surrounded By Angry Men
Each One Armed With Guns, Wishing It Could Be Them"
^clear climax that kept me on the edge of my couch, lol

The use of Hitler's death with the topic was more eye-catching, combined with the flo and vocab allowed for a better read than faze's.

Vote-A2Z (*How's that for an explained vote?)

Sorry but we cant take that as a vote because no offence but your not the well respected, if it was Chrit or someone known well on RB I can trust they read it, because they have been around awhile. .

Explain better. .

It is not for you to decide what will be taken as a vote. So if you see it again, don't bother freeposting. I'll decide if it was explained enough or not.
But I agree with you. Bizzurk, explain yourself better.
-Maven

Faze- Your verse was dope. It has Cam's style, for sure, but it still told a story. Which isn't his style. So that was really nice. Your flow was decent, and you included internal multies as well as a good message.



In the second bar I quoted, I liked the add in of turned on. Not because I'm a sexually deproved teenager (or maybe completely because of that) but because of the fact that it didn't fit. It emphasized all the other feelings, and while out of place, it still made some strage sort of sense. Huh.

A2Zizzle-I don't know what to say to this. The first verse of it was really, really cool, but I thought once you specified that it was Hitler you spoke of, it killed it. I find that specifying a topic doesn't work as well as talking about it generally. You had a good flow, but your internal rhyming could have been better. There seemed to be little emotion included.



Even though I disliked the fact that you used hitler, I thought that the "Sheds a tear" part was really effective. You talk about how he killed all those people, seemingly inhuman, but the he sheds a tear at the impending loss of his own life. While selfish, it's a very human thing to do.

vote- Faze
I felt that he portrayed the topic better in general, but it was still pretty phucking close.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Thanks, good breakdown from the dude who mods this league.. =)

Votes Please .

^ What he said .