my ryhmes will make u shed a tear'yo
they'll embarrass u
like you got your dick stuck in a cheerio
i've heard of 4 play with food
but never with cereal
fuckin with me boy u need a miracal
or i'll 619 ya jus like mysterio
cause im mysterious
don't ever leer at us
if u do you'll be 4eva in fear of us
in fear of them
in fear of we
in fear of pain
cause neither u or fifty cent could steal my chain
or heal my pain
you'll be kneelin in the rain
i'll b like obie trice and you'll b fuckin slain

i hope this is better than the last one not to many good comments from the last but i can only get better.

p.s holla to my boy mack milly

wasn't feelin it, very simple.......i would start by lengthening ya lines, introduce some sort of structure, and work from there......peace!

could you hit this up, return the favour...
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=86339

structure was horrendous simple rhymes, no creativity wat so ever and lemme not even get on wordplay. w/e work on it homeboy and ull get it soon. PEACE.