some niggas turn beef into a never ending cycle/
fronting to there mans/
like when they get mad/
they turn physco/
but never been off that nitro/
or seen body bags recycled/
thats how ill my life go/
always been fuck hoes/
bitch niggas die slow/
and eyes low/
take a walk with me/
and see how deep my mind go/
i know/
the wise rule the weak/
but the blind rules the streets/
pull the nine when they speak/
through they spine to they feet/
penalized for they speech/
full of lies and deciete/

let me know what u think of this small lyricall dose on a scale from 1-10 ten being the highest and also some constructive critism

i have to say this was wak, it was just off, the flow everything, it just seemed too formed, like clumps of words slung together with the odd filler..........firstly i would start writin with a structure that 's the same all the way thru, so you can get a good flow goin and build from there.......peace!

thanx for your constructive critism but im writing hip-hop for the streets NOT poetry

aight man, i was only giving you my opinion, no need to get bitchy!.....................
........................
......//...//..

ok, that was pretty nice but re-write this as :

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx//
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx//
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx//


write in this formot^^^^^its easier on the eye, and it will make your shit flow much better.

i took some advice and wrote my flow in a different structure to be more understood holla back with some more feedback