I'm starin out to the sellout crowd.....wow/
They're shoutin my name out loud there aint no backin out now/
The only sound is their voices as the noise echoes around/
Look at this superstar status that I have found....it's unreal/
I signed the deal not knowin the nerves I would feel/
I'm feelin so sick....surely I aint about to throw up my last meal/
Time to say my ritual prayer....should I stand or kneel/
Any wounds I've got they about to heal as I trust the man up above/
The lights dim....I'm about to hit the stage....I cant go freezin up/
There I go I burst into view as the decabells pick up/
The crowd go wild surely I can't fuck up/
Fans faintin and cryin as they watch me tear my shit up infront of their eyes/
I've made it....I'm a star I aint carin bout the hows and whys/
I'm insultin everybody who hurt me or told me lies/
I sprint across the stage....I got so much freedom in my thighs/
This is the only time I feel truly alive....rockin the stage, million dollar deal, my sponsership from nike/
All because I love it when it's just me and a mic/.


This is by far my favourite open mic peice. It is only my third one ever. All feedback is greatly appreciated.

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

too much like 8-mile.... but nevertheless a good piece. I think alot of people in Open Mic recycle stories and ideas, it would be nice to see something different. but good write

Yo to be honest I didnt even think bout 8mile when I was writin this. I just went on my own dreams in life and stuff. But your right it is similar

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

I didn't think you did it intentionally, the problem is so many rappers have covered so much, it's hard to do something that hasn't been done already to some degree... but anyway I liked the piece, so fuck it

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

Like he said it was a little like 8 Mile:

Strengths: You had a good solid flow to it.
You also had some pretty good meaning.

Weaknesses: Try to make the line even and multi a little bit more.

Advice: ^^ and try to pick a really cool topic, a really orginal one.

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

To be honest, I liked "mom Im sorry" and your other open mic better - youve got talent for emotional shit and your heaps good at it. but dont get me wrong, this was a pretty good piece. The flow was good through the keystyle, except at the point you tried to add some multi's in when u kinda flowed off... dont worry about that it just needs practice... i didnt really like the subject matter, its been done before (8 mile style), but you dropped the topic at hand very well so that doesnt really matter... rhyme scheme was good... the only thing i wasnt feeling was vocab, but i listen to canibus, so i guess i just crave all that dictionary shit... keep writing LM... your showing potential in battles and open mic

7/10

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

yea did sound 8mile but never da less i thought it wuz tite, no guns or nothin just u chasin ya dreams. 8/10

If /:Ayura:\ see's this then Pm me and empty your inbox

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

Ok, Im looking.

You flow really really well, a roll-out-da-cheeck style here. But your lacking multis, and internals etc. Its really important to make you shit complex as that brings out the true colours of your subject. And expansion of vocab may be needed. But as for the subject, you got your point across, lol I didnt think 8mile when reading this though.