Enclosed visions from a time long ago, never again to be in our presence
When in this state of mind life is slow, my thoughs are just supplements
Earth is only a trap we can't escape, without having to forfeit our soul
My heart resembles disease as a shape, i'm unable to take control

Words are the way of communication, but what happens when they fail us
That is when we reach our destination, there is nothing further to discuss
Everyone tries to hide their true colors, soon enough they'll be exposed
And when this prophecy does occur, everybody will surely be disposed

The hand of death reaches to take us home, this is what it has come to
King of sin stands before our eyes, a hotel we didn't want to check into
No longer given the freedom to roam, the gate's open to pass through
Never had the chance to say our goodbyes, our mortal life is past due

I really enjoyed reading your piece, it has a strong point of view.
Vocabulary was on point, not to much but just enough. Your
structure was nice it didn't go from a short line to a large line or
vice versa.
FAVORITE LINES
"Earth is only a trap we can't escape, without having to forfeit our soul
My heart resembles disease as a shape, i'm unable to take control"


"The hand of death reaches to take us home, this is what it has come to
King of sin stands before our eyes, a hotel we didn't want to check into"

I thought that you could have done better at the end of the
second line b/c they end in the same word. I will look forward to
reading some more of your work. Keep Writing.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
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<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

This piece was alright
the structure was good, the flow was nice
it was an easy read
the vocab fit right in with it

for the topic you choose
i feel the piece could have been stronger
it was a nice read, but it was missing something to me
i can't find words for it though....
when i do i'll come back
untill then, nice drop
keep elevatin

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

Nice piece man..and totally true...death the unstoppable force ay? I like the flow to the piece not too simple not too complex but just perfect. Maybe alot of people talk about this subject maybe not in the same way but its forsure a topic that needs to be read on and excepted....cause its coming for all of us...Alright man nice read..keep writing em..

-1-

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Thanks for all your feedback

ehh u got some talent. that was a great peice

Thanks fo your oppinion dogg