HOOK

for six years my boys have been loyal/
when i get in some shit, they spring out to help like a coil/
they never slip up, even if they were covered in oil/
and if you fuck with me you'll be under the soil/

BEGINNING

one day shit started to crack/
if i had a time machine i'd go back/
i was in as deep as you could go in/
like someone opened a gate and shit started flowin'/
i said the wrong words, thats about it/
i used some bad terms, i couldn't help, but shout it/
"you faggot, i'll kill you bitch/
wrong thing to sat to a packin' crip/
that was the startof the baddest of shit/
he called over his boys, they all fucken came/
unloaded a full clip into the front of my brain/


couldn't finish, no time,

second part coming soon, peace

very basic verse cos ur obviously new to this
but u displayed a basic grasp of some word play in the hook...which shows u probly have some potential
the actual verse..was poor..really basic rhyming and vocabulary plus a played topic....but keep writing and u'll improve and writing will evolve

yeah, i know. i've been tryin' to work on my shit

eh..good start.Jus elevate some more by goin deeper and usin imagery na'mean?Not too bad,Stay ^
-Avi

Would you put your replies to other threads?!?! Jesus Christ!

ya i will be looking forward to tha finish ov it....

aiight Peace Dawg Keep That Shit Commin Peace (v)