Jokin around, playin around, walkin the town,
Thats what we were doin when they came around,
We knew something was wrong when they drove past twice,
they were playing that song, we knew it wouldn't be nice,
You told me to leave when we saw them the third time,
I said no, and you told me you were trying to save my life,
I looked at you, and saw the fear in your eyes,
You were being serious, upon us was someones demise,
I still, til this day, don't know why they came after you,
I can't understand or even rationalize what you could do,
Two claps of a gun, one shriek from your throat,
I opened my mouth.. but I couldn't have spoke,
I watched you as your body began to fall,
I was right at your side, not knowing what to do at all,
The blood began leaking out.. then pouring faster,
What could I have done to prevent this disaster?
Zack and I, Derek, we really tried to stop the blood,
We tried with everything we had.. we tried out of love,
Your breaths grew fainter and slower, as you looked up at me,
"I'll be watching you.. I'll always be..."
And your voice trailed off as your eyes fluttered closed,
Zack and I looked at the blood on our clothes,
We knew it was real, not a horrible nightmare,
We cried, and we cried.. just sitting there,
The two Musketeers and their girl, forever til the end,
Now A Musketeer and the girl watch as your soul descends.

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that was a nice drop. it flowed well. i dont like that fact that you may have lost someone but i do like how you told the story.
keep em comin ill be watching........

nice piece baby girl
really enjoyed every line
nice flows mixed with a tragic story that kept my interest till the very last line.
I don't know if this really happened, but if it did, I'm sorry to hear about it. Keep ya chin up and gud luck with coping.
Resp

^thanks yo.. keep tha feedback comin.

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Wow Ayngel. This is one of your greatest. There was alot of sadness in this, and I felt it. Every line brought me in closer and they all hit me striaght in the heart. Girl, I know what its like to lose someone like this, because I have. I guess all we can do is remember who we have lost and keep our heads up. Thats what anyone who has lost someone needs to do. This one hit me hard, and I really enjoyed reading it. Like I told you before, you never cease to amaze me with your work. Thanks for the great read. Most respect.

Everytime I post a poem I want for your response to see how it made you feel.. thanks MuCH LoVE

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Awwww shucks *blushes*. lol. Gee, that was really flattering. I wait for your responses as well. You go through the same stuff as I do, and I wait to read your next poems. They are really great and I really enjoy reading them. You have a talent, and ur using it. Keep it up. Most respect.

Wow, I really thought this piece was amazing. Keeping the readers attention through - out the whole rhyme, and it was a very, deep, heart felt poem, I felt it and held on through every word. It's sad, but in some cases it takes a strong trajic story or emotion to come up with the best, you should perhaps try to publish some stuff, even this one. stay strong and keep up the good work

^^Thanks.. I'd love to have my stuff published.. and my english teacher's every year since like 6th grade have been trying to.. but it never happens. *Shrugs*

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WOOOOW

i really really like this..amazing peice

great flow, great story, great use of imagery

you painted a picture in my mind, Much Respect

keep it up