Paint a picture so vivid with ink and lead. My red pen dying portraying death my black pen capped a sword in its sheath picked up to become a blade in itself redundant white lead to pale faces of those left survival is stress so added emphasis on shadows seemingly gateways to paths so narrow clouds consuming the sky thickening with pen strokes heavens grace doesn’t show thus perdition is inevitable this landscape takes pessimism to a whole new level as it seems the artistic view lacks anything pleasurable.




((...for those that feel poetry must rhyme there is a loose pattern....))

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...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

Good piece. The structure could have been a little better. Flow would have been a lil better if u changed the structure a lil. I like the way that you approached the topic, and I feel that you did a pretty good job on this one. Keep up the good work. Much respect.

Its true.. art thrives on suffering.. Be it visual or not, our senses respond greater to darkness. I wonder sometimes, if this is so because of its mystery. Do we dare venture there?
Interesting write Shi. I do agree that the flow was a little off, but I believe that was due to the structure, and vice versa. To write in such a format, the flow does need to be stronger, or the reader will get lost.
I enjoyed the concept though, what I got out of it anyway. Might be totally off base with my impression, only you will know

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This Shit Was Aight, It Coulda Flowed Nicer, But It Was Like A Focused Freewrite, I Felt It, ^^^ You're Right, We're All Drawn To Darkness . . .

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92563

Show The Love, Reply To The Soft Focus Collab

i felt it anyway
it was good imagery
good use of the words and placement
you might want to change the structure
so readers can read it better
one
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

uppin cus i kno sum ppl wont read nuffin that aint on top!! upps upps upps upppsspspp....oh yea ups....

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

I agree that the flow would've been better if you put this in a different structure.. but this had nice imagery.. i liked it.

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<center>Fuck it...</center>

i actually thought the layout you had made this piece better
i got a better feel as i read freely and recognized the rhyming bars
nice topic......it's true,
nice imagery
i'm feelin it
i guess sticking by the book on structure and other things arent always the right way for you when it comes to writing
that's good
keep writing

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

Nice drop Shi, I like the complexity in contrast to the structure. Strong vocab lose ryhming scheme, this is not an easy drop to pull off, yet you did well. I know of few RB poets who could get away with such a thing, one who most comes to mind is Content. He is very good at it, and I think you just added your self to that list. Don't confine your self to the typical detail and technicalites when it comes to your writing, there is no true measure of Art, other than the impressions left on the minds of it's audience.

Now the subject matter was well thought out, and you did a hell of a job at making a statment if that was your intent. I oftne ask myself why does art have to be tragic or morbid in nature in order to be consider art to the elites. Well I know it's in our human nature to be fasicinated by such, but is it really a measure of art. I think one can find art in many ways and mediums. If I read or view something that makes me feel anything, I consider it an art form.

Respect
~Bounce~

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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!!

HOLLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mods when u see this ban that punk ass free posting chump.....

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-