just one word before the lesson begins, i am not the author....

Over the past few days I have been appalled by some of the frankly shoddy net-thugging I have seen going on. Edited pictures with unfunny captions, threats that just weren't 'thuggish' enough etc etc. So, I have taken it upon myself to teach some of you younger guys (and gals) the true art of net thuggery. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be the most feared and respected computer-banger on the whole net.

Lesson #1: Tools of the trade.
You're gonna need some props. If you're going to post about a subject others have infinetly more knowledge about, or you wish to post pictures of yourself, you're going to need some of the items pictured (hopefully) below.

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0NQAgVHkS*wA8y5Y5VUwhrB!MrFjtoi0GryHiwpO4Arw1w6sM4
CW89nTqPKQLgNQc59BcGsHHkJNxE23nCUu9!A/Toolsofathug.jpg[/img]

Let me talk you through some of these items, as it is with these you will take your first unsteady steps on the path to net respect.

Props for pictures: These are the tools it helps to have somewhere in any photos you post of yourself. Knives are very threatening, and imply you're not scared of violence and/or blood. Big Rambo style bayonets like the ones I have in the photo are especially impressive.

Guns. Now don't overstretch yourself here, if you're new to net thugging, start off with the knives. No need to shoot straight for the big leagues right off the bat. If, however, you feel you're getting good at this thugging lark, post a picture of yourself with a gun to really strike fear into any doubting herbs. It may take a man to fight with his fists, but you're a 'net thug', you do your talking behind a keyboard, or with your finger on the trigger.

Liquor. Ah, beautiful liquor. This can often be the beginners downfall. If you're gonna be pictured with a bottle of liquor, make it the strong stuff. DO NOT get photographed holding a glass of wine. That's for herbs. You, my man, have aspirations for being a true P.C G, so you're gonna need Jack Daniels, Southern Comfort etc etc. Another common mistake is allowing the same bottle of liquor to be pictured with several people. You want people to believe that bottle you're holding isn't a prop. You must make people believe you were holding it cos you 1) drink it, 2) were about to poor it out for your dead homies. Make sure you hold it correctly. Don't cradle it with two hands, like you just borrowed it from your father's liquor cabinet and are worried you might drop it, make sure you have it in one hand.

Okay, those are the props for pictures. However, you're also going to need a few other items close to hand. You're gonna need to prove just how wise you are to doubters, because the golden mantra of the true net thug is that they're never wrong. Therefore you're gonna need to be well read-up on hip-hop. The Source, XXL etc are all cool, but if you wanna be a real show off, get Murder Dog and really read up on obscure gangsta rappers like 'SkinyPimp Executioner' and 'Coldhearted MotherRapist'. Yeah, you'll earn real respect if you can talk about the next album being dropped by 'Coldhearted Rapist Entertainment', so make sure you've researched properly. Scouring the net for days at a time is also a great way to get to those little tit bits of info before everyone else.

Now, it's all very well reading up on obscure gangsta rappers etc, but there's one THUG you have to know about to earn maximum respect. Suge Knight. Everyone knows he's the biggest bully and gangster on the globe, so make sure you know everything he's said. Ever. Read old interviews, watch videos where he talks, and again, scour the net. Remember, HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. If he calls someone a bitch, so should you. If he says Dr Dre is gay, you believe him. You don't need proof. Shit, if Big Suge says it's so, you take it as the truth and nothing but the truth. (For added thug points, refer to him as Simon, and quote him at length. Your trust in his accounting skills, truthfulness, intelligence, and ear for good music must be undying).

Another useful tool in feigning knowledge about everything rap related is, quite simply, the music itself. Listen to it, learn from it, quote it. Be one with NWA. Be one with Eazy E. Be one with Tupac. The more you allow yourself to be drawn into their violent world, the better. You might even believe you live their life if you expose yourself enough, and therefore you will achieve the ultimate state of net thuggery, a sort of U2K nivarna where you actually believe you are a 20 year old black male, from Compton, with an arsenal of weaponary, 37 criminal convictions and a posse of hardened criminals (as opposed to the reality, which is probably closer to "15 year old white virgin").

Look at the picture again. Look how I own a copy of the 2Live Crew album which was banned. Whoa. I am a criminal. That earns me much respect.

Lesson # 2: The language

Okay, you're going to be posting a lot, because it's a must that net thugs are opinionated and have something to say about everything (remember, you KNOW IT ALL). However, it's no use making clear and rational statements. Good grammar is the enemy of the net thug. Try to litter your "speech" with as many mistakes, mispellings and threats as possible. Listen to Big L's 'Ebonics' and see if you can learn from that.

See how an amateur net thug would critise someone in this example:

"Ha ha! You look like an idiot. I bet you are homosexual".

That is all wrong. Firstly, never mimic the actual sound of laughter. You must know all the net abbreviations and litter your posts with them. So, "LOL" is always better than "ha ha". Secondly, the grammar in that sentence is all wrong. Capital letters, commas, and fullstops should NEVER be used in the correct grammatical manner. And lastly, that sentence just isn't offensive enough. This is what it should have read like:

"LOL LMFAO...., youz look LIke a strait Herb busta ass biytch...Punk ass homo hoe."

Note, the word "ass" can be added to anything to season a really good diss.

So, remember, a good net thug flouts the conventions of the English language. Ebonics is your friend. Be like #1baller and see if you can't confuse your enemies by writing all your posts in a truely offensive and confusing manner. For extra points, write in italics, or in bold, just to show how different you are.

Lesson #3. The 'W' and other handsigns.
Another weapon in the net thug's arsenal is the gangsign. By using this, you are implying you are a member of some sort of gang. It doesn't matter if you're just a boy scout, curl your hand into a shape and thrust it towards the camera whenever anyone takes your photgraph. Scowl too. Imply just how threatening you are. The ultimate handsign is the 'W'. It doesn't matter if you're from the East Coast, Mexico, Turkey, Estonia, England, Canada or wherever, you must always pledge allegiance to the West.

See these fine examples for proof.

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0KQCyGhkOWBzrTQvYihDOM*X6CbHikUm2HMLMh8KKZb9UfGAoX
qUw48tWERwIB*QJdt*pEDaZxlM/TheW.jpg[/img]

Note how I have scowled in these. Aren't you scared? NEVER SMILE FOR A PHOTO. Look how I have thrust the W at the camera, carrying it before me like a shield. And yes, the true net thug afficienados among you will have noticed the crowning touch in one of those photos. Yes, I have stood infront of a picture of Tupac, thus implying some kind of link between the two of us.

Lesson # 4: Tattoos.

NOT FOR THE BEGINNER. Chances are, if you are going to net thug, you are a coward at heart and the idea of a tattoo sounds like too much pain. If, however, you are aspiring to reach a higher level of net thuggery, then these are a must. Good tattoos are of dead people, guns, knives, etc etc. For extra points, see how many of 2Pac's tattoos you can copy, cos frankly, you'll be too busy thugging to come up with any original ideas of your own. If THUGLIFE was good enough for his toned stomach, then it'll be good enough for your flabby pasty belly. Represent.

Look at this example. While I haven't excelled, in that I haven't jacked one of Pac's tattoos, and the photo is rather blurry, I have carried it off because I've obeyed a few of the principle rules.
[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0KwAlADwPlkp9Wn*zcg3yUAXaPbVG!FkIOd7T906VwBR5eaKJp
UPcDOPWnx*Uof7LPgkT7fuxwQA/tattoo.jpg[/img]

1)It's a tattoo of a dead person (in this case, Tupac himself).
2) It isn't that good a tattoo (hell, true thugs have them done in prison with a razor blade, they don't have time to be booking appointments at a proper parlour).
3) Look at the socks. Look at the slippers. Yeah, kinda thuggish right. Unconventional and very ghetto. Respect.

Lesson # 5: Using your props.

Okay, so you've got the knives, the guns and the liquor, and I've mentioned some of the golden rules of how to use them already, but I cannot state enough times just how important it is to use these props correctly.

Knives must be pointed at the camera. Look like you were attempting to stab the cameraman as he took the photo. Yeah, that's just evil.

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0KgAgVK4OzTNtMdZg*R1nEMnYHJK1AGTFNGaS01epSe3wdZfCA
XRSTs5AsgOGii!2xrf6LHa9I*0/knife.jpg[/img]

(Again, note how I have stood infront of a 'MenaceIISociety' poster for extra thug points)

Guns, on the otherhand, must also be pointed at the camera. You must look comfortable, but at the same time menacing. Your finger must be on the trigger. Remember, you're a gangster, so hold the gun in a manner that isn't particulary safe or conventional. Rememeber O-Dog in MenaceIISociety when he capped that Korean storeowner? Well, try and hold the gun like he did, at an angle. If you're having your photo taken with a gun, why not pretend you're O-Dog and run his script through your head as the photo is taken.

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0LAAAAMQOLE6ous2aovoer*CR750y9e5N36A3lSd1*wzz3bkrV
oW64APh5aROxrKK6a*jGRvH8o0/gun.jpg[/img]

"What did you say about my mother...?"

Damn, that photo just reeks of menace doesn't it. I may have gone for a smaller handgun, rather than the favoured uzi, but I carry it off like a true professional. It's got it all. I'm holding the gun at a jaunty angle, I'm scowling, AND it's infront of yet another 2Pac pic. The true touch of genuis come in the photography itself, because I've taken the photo from slightly below me, making myself look bigger (soak up the game youngsters, soak up the game.....)

Lesson # 6: Animals
Another useful prop in photos is a wild, foaming at the mouth dog. Something dangerous, something scary. Something that suggests it will rip you limb from limb. This is an example of how to get it all wrong...

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0KAAzANkNyhHJzTgTil*UQ3GHoqM4OiS6a5o1UeCvDWQJtaEQ!
KwoBBp7WErwXQCIDvjTgCvk1Dw/cat.jpg[/img]

(shakes head in disbelief)

No, no, no, no! Cats, tortoises, fish - they're all out. You must have a dog or nothing at all. And don't make Neva_Again's mistake and pick a "cute" dog. It must have drool, fangs, red eyes, and a name like Tyson or Killer.

Lesson # 7: Your user name.

An important part of your thug persona is the name you go by on the net. Try and pick something menacing (my user name should be a lesson to you all). Some connection to 2Pac, guns, violence, or an obscure song or film character are all good in user names. Hell, for extra points, why not switch your name as often as possible? Afterall, one of your main objectives as a net thug is to annoy people as much as you can, and what's more annoying that never sticking to the same name. This may also help you in your attempts to stop yourself getting banned, as you invariably will be.

Lesson # 8 : Rare pictures and false information.

Oh, the greatest weapon in the net thug's arsenal. Your role is never completely fufilled until you have misled people, downright lied about something (especially yourself and your lifestyle) or made up an entirely false rumour that makes someone look bad.
As well as posting lies, it is important to keep reminding people that you are better than them. If you can't actually find any geninue rare photos of the time you met Pac (since it never happened) why not make one up? Or, as I have illustrated here, take a common picture that people have seen a million times before, and either tilt in to a funny angle, or change the colours. Hey-presto, a new and 'rare' pic of your own:

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0KwAAADkPEkoU98m5GFNqjGuxTfi*Gb*uOSJK3NMKd5HfpbYQH
eoH*Kl9zHFEfhc1DK6OQcBzli0/invert.jpg[/img]

This is another great example. All I have done is scan a photo from a magazine, cover over any clues of it's origin, and posted it in the knowledge that most people won't have seen it before (granting me the ability to claim some kind of ownership of it).

[img]http://communities.msn.co.uk/_Secure/ 0LwAlANoQZpOs3DehjKInTvbVqLFzPuS45CsaCY4OEqfk6HKkQ
vCsA4h4n5n7qHmVIsAqWWX8!w8/stainglass.jpg[/img]


Other golden rules of net thugging (try to memorise as many of these as possible):

1) You are ALWAYS right.
2) Tupac is alive, no matter how much proof there is to say otherwise.
3) White people are bad. Even if you are white, as long as you don't think
you are, you're not.
4) It doesn't matter how stupid you are, as long as you think you're wiser than the next man then you are.
5) Everyone else is stupid. Apart from your friends, Suge Knight and a few others.
6) You have money. Lots of it. This makes you better than everyone else.
7) You have a criminal record.
8) Never admit to liking Puffy, Jay-Z or Biggie. Or any other kind of music other than Gangsta rap.
9) Misogny is good. You might not be able to spell misogynistic, but you will become the living breathing, walking talking definiton of it.
10) If you don't like someone, they are gay.
11) If you don't like someone, tell them. At length.
12) Good words = WESTSIDE, MOB, BITCH, HOE.
13) Bad words and phrases = You're right/ I'm wrong /
14) No matter what anyone else says, you were born flipping the bird, your first words were "no I don't want milk, get me a 40oz bitch", and you never went to school, you just hung out selling drugs and fucking hoes.
15) If someone charts, you no longer like them. If it's Pac, you still like him but you hate the song that charted.
16) She may have been his mother, but you knew Pac better than Afeni, and know what's best for his legacy and remaining music than she ever will.

You're now ready to thug.....good luck.

Omg..sadness

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Fuck you

omg...this actually fits some of the kids on rb perfect

__________________
<center>a.k.a Enseign</center>

That post is 10 times longer than anything I would read on RB.

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<center><br>
- The End -
Original Rb Admin
And Still Watching Over You. <br> <img src=http://home.houston.rr.com/tacofox/epenis222.gif></img><br> -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-

Stopped Reading After That Sentence... Ridiculous Amount Of Garbage To Read.

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<center><image src=http://www.rapbattles.com/images/pics/PinkThong.gif></center>
<center>An original RB Member. Yes, we're that much better.</center>

12) Good words = WESTSIDE, MOB, BITCH, HOE.

Lmao

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Fuck you

2pac is a legend tho..

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Fuck you

Shut the fuck up niggers...before i take out my e-gat and shoot you all up

^Net Thug Graduate, but inserting bitch and or ass in that sentence would be preffered, 1luv.

Aha I Didn't Finsh Reading It But
What I Read Gave Me A Chuckle,
But Please Not Tell Me You Had
Enuff Time To Write This.....

damn i gues you have to have alot of time,just to write that whole bunch of shit.
but kinda funny,got bored of reading it at the second paragraph

Just skipped down to the rules.....browsed the rest and saw that a lot of copying and pasting would need to be done.....

that is when my e-intuition told me, "Fuck that"

1luv.