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Old 11-20-03, 02:27 PM   #1
Marvell
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Can I get some feed back!!!

IP: 9F5F 0908

As I sit back and think about life, everything I could have/
No longer living bad to be surrounded by cash//

Don't have to worry about them guns blastn, bullets penetrating my skin/
Because a coward wants a was where no one wins//

I want it all to end, why must the streets be so violent/
There's not a day that goes by, where the streets remain silent//

Crime elevated, murder rates sky rocket/
All because a ni99a took to long to empty out his pockets//

Rally the troops if a block is taking you profit/
All this killing over money my people we need to stop it//

Martin faught for our freedom, Malcolm faught for even more/
If they could see us today they would say what for//

The dreams torn, we're supposed to live together in piece/
Instead of by the piece that's leaving so many of our people deceased//

We're supposed to do right by one another, we're all the same color/
Shooting our black people is like shooting your own sisters and brothers//

So the next time you think about pulln' the trigga just don't/
And maybe everybody can have exactly what I want//
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOLLA AT YOUR BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Marvell man don't act sassy// Or i'll leave you like a used tampon, stiff, bloody and nasty//


"Blessings of life to the children, they say life is like 5 days, words of an oldman in a wheelchair, with silver hair, his eyes where bloody, while describing what lies before me, said evil b*tches and jealous men would try to destroy me, it occured to me this old ni99as words couldn't be realler, i'm on top now slightest drama i have to kill ya, cause animals sense weakness, sharks smell blood in water, ismail mosses and joe, move in devine order, sh*t is plastic material having no life, crash whips and leave 'em know matter the price, as long as I survive hop in the five, circle the block where the beefs at and park in front of my enemies eyes, we see that it's war we're gods children, see what we livin is real, aint no heaven or hell, dead is dead f*ckers, and your soul is with god, your mind keeps lurking the earth watching your own murder reoccur" - Nas
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Old 11-20-03, 02:34 PM   #2
DthsMissingAngel
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Good job. I thought everything was nice on here. The structure was good and u got ur point across. I liked it, overall good job. Keep em comin. Much respect.
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Old 11-20-03, 09:22 PM   #3
.:LadySage:.
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this was nice
a good, positive message here
i agree and can relate to all the violence, because it's everywhere, no matter how hard we try to look past and hide it
looking at the techincal aspects...........
the flow was str8, easy to understand, the structure was ok but i think you could have upped the vocab, brought this piece to a whole nother level,
but this was a nice piece
keep elevatin
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Poetry
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Understanding
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the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."
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Old 11-20-03, 09:36 PM   #4
Justin Kredible
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it was dope son, real deep. made me think i liked it
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Old 11-20-03, 10:31 PM   #5
uraddiction
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i liked this one good structure and good use of words. this was a very nice piece. had good flow over al good job
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