Jus thought of it today. Hit me back with wat u think.


I get a beep on my pager
someone must be playin' with me
It's 2.30 in the morning
Why the fuck wud ne body be paging me?
It says: 'There's a bomb in your house, u got a minute before it goes off,
you better leave your house now,
or get bown off the planet jus like an astronaut/
So i gather my most prized possessions and dash out my room
I'm only 16 years old, my life's gonna be ended to soon/
With 40 seconds left, i'm struggling to get out my house yo,
But i gotta make it out, so i head straight for the front door/
Thoughts runnin' through my head as i try to escape,
Is this meant to be, is this how God mapped out my fate?
With 10 seconds left am i actually gonna meet my doom,
i get to the front door, pull the handle down, but
BOOM!!
1 second to late, cost me the rest of my life,
I aint ever gonna see daylight again,
aint ever gonna feel true love with my wife,
aint ever gonna have my walls scattered with platinum plaques,
I jus wish the ten seconds could have been 20,
To live the life I never had.

Uppin' fo feedback. Come on.

It needs some work... you started off the beginning nicely but you kinda droped off from the middle to end, nice idea tho but you need to be more clear with what you want to say, and perhaps elaberate... anyways it was a good read, gotta, keep commin out with shit to develop skills..

uppin for feedback

uppin'

Come on give feedback

nice piece.. i was really feeling it at the start.. but towords the end it started to drop off...

good piece overall... i liked it.....just needs some work on the ending...

return the fav. and gimme some feedback on my open mic...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92075

thanks ....

__________________

thanks for the feedback. i already hit ur rhyme.

uppin' ppl

uppin

yo..shit is hot keep it up

return the favour
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...1530#post911530

vote plz

appreciate the comment
still uppin ppl

solid drop. nice original idea too. i suppose the flow culd be improved a bit but with some elevation itll be real good.

Cme on give feedback, wats the point of open mic if u dnt get feedback

Cme on give feedback, wats the point of open mic if u dnt get feedback